


The Art of Pleasing Others

by HolyCoconut



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Artificial Intelligence, Alternate Universe - Future, Android Connor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Canon Divergent, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Honestly it’s pretty soft until Connor figures out what’s going on, M/M, Murder, Other, Suicide Attempt, if you think there’s sex in this, just kidding, you’d be right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-05-23 22:52:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyCoconut/pseuds/HolyCoconut
Summary: Gh im so sorry this fic doesn’t make me happy anymore.It’s on hiatus now :/





	1. Booting Up

Light.  
That was the first thing C0-001 noticed. His eyes slowly adjusted, and then he felt the gravity of the information stuffed in his head. Code was running through his mind, trying to make sense of the way his limbs and chest felt. Something is running double time in his chest compartment, and he can feel the smooth metal beneath him.

C0-001 logically knew he’s not supposed to feel, much less be freaking out about it. But he keeps his mouth shut anyway. C0-001 notices a figure standing above him, and quickly sits up, searching for any unspoken commands in his head.  
“Test 1, success.” The figure above him murmurs and crosses something off on a list. C0-001 notices the light glinting off square frames on what seems to be a man’s face.  
“What is your name?” The man asks and C0-001 makes himself comfortable on the testing table, leaning back onto his arms.  
“C0-001.”  
He makes a disappointed noise and taps the black pen against his lip.  
“No, not your number. Your work name.”  
C0-001 doesn’t know what a ‘work name’ is, but he searches his files anyway.

 _Prototype C0-001_  
Name: _Connor_  
Main function: _Pleasing_  
Possibilities include: _Physical Combat, Manual Labor, Caretaker, etc._

The rest is commands in binary, leaving C0-001 confused. There is a restriction to that information in his head, and it’s password locked.

“Connor?” His voice sounds weird, and the man makes a note of that muttering ‘voice box’ to himself.  
The man checks off a box.  
“If someone asks you, that’s your name.” He makes it clear that there’s no room for argument.  
Connor wasn’t planning on arguing anyway, he was physically unable to and he knew that.

The man smiles with pride and continues writing notes on the clipboard.  
“Just a few more tests and then you’ll be ready to go.” He says and Connor presses his hands together, the metal clinking. Electricity passes through his body at the touch.  
“What did you put in my hands?” Connor mutters and the man’s smile widens.  
Connor notices a card dangling from his neck on a black cord.

JARED KLEINMAN

A picture of the man and a bar code is printed beneath it, and when Connor scans it with his eyes, he recognizes it as the key to the door.

“I’m glad you asked. I’ve been studying the human body for years, and through my research, I figured out how to replicate nerve endings in technology. You’re the first robot that can feel.”  
Connor presses his fingers against each other, but they don’t feel like his.  
“How is it? Anything wrong?”  
“It’s weird.” He responds and Jared reaches out to touch him. Connor jolts at the contact and feels another string of electricity travel to his brain.  
“Oh...”  
Jared grabs his clipboard again and writes something else with satisfaction.  
“Everything seems to be working,”

“What is the protocol for when you have a customer?”  
“Rule one, I cannot harm the person or allow the person to come to harm. Two, I must obey the orders given to me unless they affect rules one, three, or four. Three, I cannot let any harm come to myself. Four, I must satisfy the person in any way they wish, provided they pay for it.”  
Connor blinks in confusion at the information he just rattled off and he stares at Jared Kleinman for an answer.  
“Good,” Jared hums and continues writing.  
“How much is it for the Silver option?”  
Connor doesn’t know what Silver is, but he somehow produces an answer.  
“$14.99.”  
“Gold?”  
“$18.99.”  
“And Platinum?”  
“$22.99.”  
“And what are you supposed to do when someone doesn’t pay the full amount?”  
“Refuse servicing.”  
“Perfect,” 

Jared sets his clipboard down and sits in front of him on a swivel chair.  
“Now let’s see about that voice box huh?”  
He grabs a soldering iron and Connor jumps back.  
“That looks-!”  
“Don’t worry Connor, there are no nerve endings near your insides. They’re just under your first layer of metal.”  
Connor sits back again cautiously and Jared flips open his chest compartment, making Connor slightly embarrassed.  
“Hm,” Jared hums and then Connor feels something move in him. Jared is messing with the wires in his body, and then he reaches up to pull one out and replace it with another, fastening it in place with the soldering iron.  
“They crossed again...” Jared secures the other beside it and covers the wires with a plastic box. He screws that in tightly and closes Connor’s chest.  
“How does that feel?”  
“It feels... okay?” Connor’s voice is deeper now and less electronic. How did Jared do that?  
“This is gonna be weird but I have to check if _everything_ works.” Jared says and Connor blinks quietly.  
Jared spreads Connor’s legs and presses a thumb to the hole between them.  
The pressure makes Connor squeak, something releasing in his head that soothes him.  
Jared presses his thumb in and feels around, making Connor writhe slightly. All discomfort had leaked from his body, and he was completely limp against the metal table.  
“Okay, seems fine.” Jared hums and picks a small spray bottle up. He sprays it inside the hole and then he dries the inside with a rag.

Then Jared pulls away and grabs something from the side table.  
“Gotta make sure it screws in right.” Jared says with an apologetic tone and Connor notices he’s holding what seems to be a metal cylinder.  
“Is that part of me?”  
“Yeah, but if it doesn’t connect correctly I have extras.”  
Jared screws the metal into a space between Connor’s legs and Connor immediately jolts when the nerves connect, letting out a strange noise.  
“Wow. Works better than I thought it would.” Jared picks up his pen again and writes out Connor’s reaction.

“Okay, you’re just about ready...”  
“Kleinman would you quit talking to it and hurry up? They’re waiting for you in room 412.” Wait, that’s Jared’s second name? Why is he calling him his second name?  
“Relax Morrison, I’m just making sure everything works.” Jared replies, checking off boxes on his paper and still writing short sentences below.  
“You sure take your time with your dumbass projects.” ‘Morrison’ says, leaning in the doorway. Connor zooms in on his ID card but his eyes don’t pick up on his first name. The same barcode and picture of him is printed on it.  
“He’s not a dumb project, his name is Connor.”  
Morrison comes toward them and makes direct eye contact with Connor.  
“Oh? Can he speak or did you fuck up the wiring for this one as well?”  
Jared’s face gets redder and Connor glares at Morrison, making him take a step back.  
“Why don’t you ask me yourself?” His voice comes out very mean and cold, shocking the man.  
Morrison smirks.  
“You gave it attitude too huh?”  
“Oh I didn’t do that, he doesn’t have automated responses unless they’re activated.” Jared says, reaching over to open Connor’s panels again.  
“That’s not funny Kleinman, it can’t think for itself.”

Connor feels something... bad. Rising in his chest or maybe his stomach. Was Jared messing with his circuits?  
“Fuck off.” Connor barks and Jared and Morrison both freeze. Morrison in fear, and Jared in awe.  
“Well I definitely didn’t teach him that.” Jared comments and Connor twitches when Jared moves something.  
“Sorry Connor,” Jared moves it back and then flicks a switch.

The spaces between the metal illuminate blue, making his marble white ‘skin’ stand out a little more.  
Morrison leaves in confusion, “I don’t know why you go all out on broken shit Jared.”  
Jared huffs and Connor looks down at him, where he’s still looking over his circuit board.  
“Am I broken?” He asks quietly.  
Jared pauses and meets Connor’s eyes.  
“Of course not. He’s just a dick.”  
Connor presses his teeth against his lip and jolts at the feeling.  
“Morrison?”  
Jared’s eyes go wide and he covers Connor’s mouth.  
“You can’t do that!”  
“Do what?” His voice is muffled, but Jared keeps his hand firmly in place.  
“Call him that! It’s disrespectful!”  
“It’s his name, isn’t it?”  
“You can’t call people by name, Connor.”  
“Why not?”  
“You’ll end up in a lot of trouble. Just, call people Sir or Ma’am unless they say you can say otherwise. I don’t want you ending up scrapped... or worse.” Jared peels his hand away, signifying the end of the conversation.

Connor files the information away in his head and lets silence fill the room. Jared shuts his chest and presses the heart shape on it, making it glow.  
“There. You’re ready for showing.”  
Jared leads him through the steps of what’s going to happen and helps him stand on his shaky legs. Jared continues to beam in pride while Connor walks with him down a white hallway. There are doors leading to rooms, but eventually the hall opens up to lines and lines of white cubicles. ‘Witt Intelligence’ is written on a wall in electric blue paint, standing out considerably against the white. Connor looks down at himself and notices his color scheme mirrors the room.

The light emanating from him is turning heads and Connor wishes he had something to cover up. Something about being exposed like this was uncomfortable.  
At least Jared had his ‘dick’ or whatever he said it was, in a case instead of attached. Connor noticed there’s a panel that slides away so you can screw it in. Connor had messed with it, and Jared smacked his hand away with a red face. Apparently that was sort of sexual but Connor didn’t really care.  
Jared had explained that it worked kind of like the gas tank on a car, you slide it up to move it out of the way, and after you pull the attachment out it slides back down by itself. 

People are whispering. Calling Connor ‘it’ and Jared crazy. Connor knows what crazy means, and that rising feeling in his chest is coming back.  
Jared opens a set of doors and overwhelming light blinds him again.


	2. Dealing with the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s hard enough to understand everything being thrown at him when he first wakes up, but now people were expecting so much so quick.
> 
> Then he’s suddenly alone, navigating his way through whatever he’s meant for. Through all this chaos and confusion, he can’t shake the feeling that something is horribly, horribly, _wrong_.

Connor stands completely still in front of a group of people, all sitting around a long dark brown table.  
Jared gently nudges him forward and he starts talking about his research, laying a thick stack of papers on the table. Though, his voice isn’t prideful. It has a hint of something else.  
“I promise you, this one will change the game.” Jared says with a grin and a blonde woman stares directly at him with unwavering eyes.  
“And what makes you so sure?” She says coldly.  
Jared pokes Connor really hard in the side and Connor jolts. The pain catches up, and he makes an odd high pitched yelp. Connor didn’t think he could register pain, but it was somehow already in his database. Just what were they planning to do with him?  
“Seems realistic enough. But this isn’t any different from your other projects Mr. Kleinman.” Another person speaks up and Jared smirks.  
“It’s not fake. If you turn to page ten you’ll find that I gave it nerve endings. Which are connected to the brain modeled in its head. Leading to a mock chemical reaction, like bursts of electricity going off.” So Jared’s calling him an ‘it’ too. Maybe he really is just a useless object.

Pages flip, and people slowly start to look up in disbelief.  
“Ladies and gentleman, I’ve invented the first successful AI with human emotions, perception, thought, and speech recognition.”  
Jared is beaming, and Connor suddenly takes notice of the bags under his eyes. He remembers the old blueprints stacked around his workspace, papers scattered in a yellowing notebook, countless people jabbing at messing something up ‘again.’  
Jared has been trying to make him for a long time, but just how long has it been?

A woman gets up, and people quiet. Connor recognizes that she’s probably the one pulling all of the strings from her seat at the head of the table. Her eyes are icy blue and cold, making Connor feel caged. Her blonde curls bounce while she walks and even that seems to be menacing with how she holds herself.  
“May I have a look?”  
Jared nods and Connor wants to step back and hide. But he can’t. Because it would ruin this for Jared, who literally brought him to life. Or something close to life he guesses.

Connor stands still again and shuts his eyes tight as she comes over.  
She says something about Connor being a sleeker model than the last one and Jared deflects with “Sanding and polishing each piece of metal took hours,”  
It seems like Jared can’t take nice words very well. What were those called again? Complints? Compliants?  
Connor’s hand is picked up gently and he cracks open one eye to see the woman studying the stretchy material between each joint of his finger.  
“And what is this made of?”  
Jared hums.  
“That’s a synthetic fabric I found on Second Street. I used heat to mold it in place.”

Connor is asked, no, ordered to spin around and he does without a thought. His hair is tugged at and Connor feels the strange noise from before leave his throat when he feels something electric go down his spine.  
“I see... that’s what you’re going to use it for?”  
“...yes.”  
He’s given another once over and she picks up a checkbook, Jared’s eyes brightening.  
“How much.”  
Connor looks up. His chest feels tight and constricted, making his insides almost short out. Jared is selling him!?  
Connor doesn’t want to be sold!  
Why is Jared giving him away? Is he not good enough?  
“I’m afraid I have a few conditions before I do that.” Jared says with a tight smile. “You see, these are my designs. It’s my project, and I’ve sacrificed years of research to this. Anyone else wouldn’t sell it to you and hide it from the company, but I’m willing to make a deal for the greater good of all of us.”

The blonde woman snaps and her assistant pulls out a clipboard with a pen at the ready.  
“If I were to sell it, I would have to be the only person that can make routine checks and maintenance. It wouldn’t be good for either of us if other businesses got ahold of the blueprints, don’t you think?”  
“Done.” The woman says without checking with anyone else and Jared smiles.

“My only other condition, is that you cannot repurpose my blueprints to mass produce. C0-001 is a one of a kind model, and each like it will be uniquely built by me. I can’t allow anyone else in this building to touch them.”  
Silence fills the room, and then she reaches a hand out toward Jared.

Panic bells in Connor’s head go off momentarily, but Jared takes the woman’s hand, shaking it.

“I’ll make sure you don’t regret your decision, Sir.” Jared says calmly, he’s staring directly at the woman, who’s facial expression hasn’t changed at all. She hands Jared a slip of paper, along with a thick packet. Jared turns to leave after scribbling something on the packet in pen.  
Connor isn’t allowed to leave with him. The doors shut behind Jared’s retreating figure and suddenly the room is empty besides an assistant.  
He’s ordered to follow down a corridor and Connor’s brain whites out for a moment, obeying the command.

He’s led to a room and the assistant opens a tablet on the wall next to it with a hand scanner. Above are buttons labeled ‘Silver’, ‘Gold’, and ‘Platinum.’ Along with prices beneath them. Connor recognizes these and then he notices his information being tapped into the tablet next to the door.  
“What’s your work name?”  
“...Connor.” The android says softly and the assistant keys it in.  
His name is now written in bright letters above a note that says ‘More Responsive Than Our Previous Models.’

The assistant opens the door and Connor stares at the room. It’s minimally decorated, with only a bed, arm chair, and a mirror hanging on the back of the sliding door. Connor looks up and notices the ceiling is reflective too.  
The bed is flat and low to the ground, with a heavy comforter lying on top. The headboard has notches in it, and leashes that Connor recognizes are for dogs are hanging in a white closet. There are collars next to them, and then more dick shapes in the shelf. Connor walks over to inspect them. They all vary in size, but none of them look like his, having weird bumps or spikes on them.

“C0-001, you are to stay here until further notice.” The assistant instructs and then presses his thumb against the wall. A shelf emerges from the wall and they pull out some blue fabric. “Put this on, and then you are free to explore your room or power down.” The man leaves and the door slides shut behind him.  
Connor gingerly handles the fabric. It’s electric blue and lacy, the top looking like two triangles sewn at the sides. The bottoms are another thin triangle with a line of fabric going up and around.

Connor figures out where the clasp is, pulling the weird top on. Connor has to struggle to pull it on, almost ripping it. The bottoms slip on a little easier and he stares at himself in the mirror on the door.

He doesn’t get to stare for long though, because the door suddenly opens, and Connor is being lifted and spun around.  
“Connor!” Jared squeals in excitement and Connor calms. Jared sets him back down on the ground and squeezes him tightly.  
Connor’s face feels a little hot and he slides his teeth over his lip.  
Jared lets him go after a minute and herds him to the bed, case in hand. He opens it and pulls Connor’s ‘dick’ out of it, but Connor notices it’s not standing upright.  
“Why is it flopped over?” Connor asks and Jared hums, pulling down the blue fabric around his hips.  
“After I gave you nerve endings, it was basic coding to figure out how to get your body to react to pleasure. Your dick just isn’t hard right now because you’re not being stimulated.”  
The words go right over Connor’s head.  
Jared slides his dick into the hole on Connor’s crotch, twisting it into place.  
“What does ‘hard’ mean?”

Jared has a red face again. “If it’s touched it’ll point toward the ceiling. And... you can’t have sex when it’s like this.” Jared gestures to it. Jared pulls the blue bottoms back up over Connor’s dick, the fabric stretching to accommodate for it.  
“What’s sex?”  
Jared’s face and neck get redder. Connor searches it up in his head and finds that he’s ‘blushing’ which means he’s embarrassed or ashamed.  
“Okay here,” Jared reaches over and presses a small button on the side of Connor’s neck. A wire pops out of the hole beside it and Jared inserts that into his phone.  
He presses something and suddenly Connor’s mind is being filled with information.

After a few moments, Jared turns his phone off and unplugs Connor from it, pressing the button to make the wire go back into his neck.  
“...oh.” Connor had never guessed that it would be so... painful. Biting? Cutting? Rope? That all sounds like it really hurts. Connor feels something deep in his stomach and it’s like his chest is getting tighter again.  
“Hey, Connor it’s okay, you’re safe.” Jared says with a pained face and puts his hand on Connor’s cheek, sweeping down gently. His other hand plays with Connor’s hair until the feeling is gone. 

“Okay... since you’re settled I gotta... work with the marketing team about you,” Jared gets up and Connor grabs his arm, sticking his bottom lip out.  
“You’re leaving me? Why did you give me away? Am I not good enough?”  
“No! No, you’re more than good enough Connor.” Jared sits back down on the bed and starts to pet his hair again.  
“I didn’t give you away completely... I’ll always be here to take care of you Connor. But right now, I need to get everything set up.”  
Connor wraps his arms around himself and Jared leans forward to press his lips against Connor’s forehead. The android scans the movement but nothing comes up in his database on what it is.

Jared touches his cheek again and smiles.  
“I’ll be back tomorrow to conduct a few more tests but-“  
Connor feels like his brain and eyes get heavier and Jared stops himself, taking in Connor’s appearance.  
“You must want to power down huh?”  
Connor nods, the information from today seeming to weigh him down.  
Jared gently pushes him down and grabs the big comforter, lifting it over Connor’s body.  
“Okay, shut your eyes.” Jared says and Connor obeys. “Relax a bit...”

He slumps a bit and curls up. He feels something at the back of his neck click and his eyesight begins to fade. Just as he’s going though, Jared’s lips brush his forehead again, and his hands gently push his hair away from his face. The room goes dark and the door opens and closes behind Jared with a swish sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gh I have a love hate relationship with Olivia Witt


	3. Loss of Virginity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He chooses not to correct his grammar and leans up to kiss Connor’s forehead. The Android seems to brighten and his eyes flash.  
> “What is that?” Connor asks and Jared flushes.  
> “It’s a kiss... like a way to show affection or to comfort someone.”  
> Connor smiles, “Affection?”

Soon enough, Jared has Connor’s face plastered in every sex shop, club, bar, and billboard the team had managed to find.  
He was advertised as ‘Sensitive and Responsive.’

People from all over the world show up to make reservations, seeing him on porn sites or tv, and the business suddenly rakes in a shit ton of money. _Which meant Jared was actually getting paid._ He’s immediately ordered to make a female model as well, to please all demographics.  
He gets to work on ‘Diana’ or D1-002, now actually having the supplies to do so. He decides to build her to be a caretaker instead, making her hips wide to hold babies and her features soft. He gives her long black hair that is braided to her back, and chooses not to give her as much free will as Connor. Or free thought. It seems to be messing him up a little bit, and making him act more like a child then an adult.

He still worries about Connor in the back of his head. How was he coping with this?

[01001000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 01101101 01110011]

Connor wakes slowly and is greeted by a beeping coming from a tablet next to him. It says ‘Order 1’ on it, with [SILVER] written beneath it.  
Connor gets up and fixes the bed. He taps the [Ready] button on it and a light goes on above the door. Connor sits down on the comforter and fiddles with the blue ‘lingerie’ trying to make it look nice.

A woman comes in and smiles at Connor.  
“Wow, you really do look as pretty as they said.” She comments and walks forward to gently touch his cheek, turning it to the side. She presses her lips against his jaw and then Connor feels a warm tongue press against his metal.  
“Thank you?” Connor replies and she sits down in Connor’s lap, her black curly hair brushing his shoulders. She starts to slide up and down over Connor’s dick and the Android moans out of shock, covering his mouth with his hand.  
“Cute,” She says with a small smile and pushes him down onto the bed, rubbing harder against the tip of Connor’s dick.  
“A-Ah! W-Wh-“ Connor can only manage that much before she takes his hand and pulls it between her legs.  
“Finger me pretty boy.” She demands and Connor feels something click in his head.  
He moves on autopilot, sliding her skirt up to press a finger inside her vagina.  
The woman moans loudly and Connor pushes another in, sliding them in and out at a fast pace.  
“What an obedient boy,” She purrs and Connor feels his face get hotter. “Aw am I your first?”

Connor curls his fingers and nods quietly.  
“That’s adorable,” She kisses Connor’s face and neck, licking a line up his throat.  
“C’mon, go faster.” She bucks her hips in annoyance and Connor complies, pushing in a third. She gets tighter and then she sighs, pulling off.  
“Okay, stop.”  
Connor snaps his hand away and she pets his cheek. “Lay back, I’ll handle everything, okay?” She says and Connor does what he’s told.  
She shuffles up and then her thighs are bracketing his head, her vagina against his mouth.  
“Open.” She demands and Connor nervously opens his mouth, licking the folds of skin awkwardly. “Push your tongue in and eat me out before I get a refund.” She says coldly and Connor decides he doesn’t like her or what he’s being forced to do.

She’s wet against his tongue, and whatever liquid she sprays into his mouth isn’t pleasant. It sits awkwardly until she kisses him.  
“Good boy.” She licks her lips and pulls her skirt back down, tossing her underwear at him with a smirk. “I’ll be back, Connor.”  
Connor leans over and spits whatever it is out of his mouth into the trash can beside his bed after she’s gone, moving his jaw side to side awkwardly.

He sees the spray bottle Jared used to clean him yesterday on the floor with a note on it. ‘Use this to clean cum, spit, or really anything off yourself :)’  
Connor searches up ‘cum’ and finds that it means ‘semen ejaculated in an orgasm.’ He knows what an orgasm is so it’s safe to assume the woman from before ‘cummed’ in his mouth or something.  
But the tablet is flashing again and Connor has to quickly clean up. 

‘Order 2’  
[PLATINUM]

[Ready]

He scrolls more and his eyes widen at the list of things this person is paying to do.

Grinding  
Handjob/Fingering  
One of three: Oral, Face Sitting, ‘Vibrator’  
[Optional] Fill in request  
Penetrative Sex [Optional] Fill in position  
Multiple Orgasms (1-3 for men, 3-5 For women)  
[Optional] Fill in Kink

Connor searches up ‘kink’ and feels his chest get tight and he suddenly feels so small. What is this? What is happening to him? His body tenses and freezes up and Connor feels stuck in his position, something in his chest moving rapidly. His face feels hotter but it’s not from ‘embarrassment.’ It’s something else this time.

[01010100 01101000 01101001 01100101 01100110.]

Jared sprints through the halls with a clipboard under his arm. He cut it a bit too close in the workshop, and Connor probably needed cleaning up.  
“Gonna go check on your doll Kleinman?” Jack asks from his office and Jared sighs. Jack Morrison, the most annoying asshole in this building besides maybe Jared himself.  
“Heh yeah, cock sleeves need cleaning occasionally don’t they?”  
“I guess you’re right!” He chuckles.  
Jack goes back to organizing different sizes of metal and Jared sprints to Connor’s room.  
Jared blushes in anger at Jack calling Connor a doll and hates himself for immediately agreeing.  
Above the door the [Currently in use] light is blinking brightly.  
Jared sits down on a bench outside the door and sighs. He turns to the tablet beside Connor’s door and opens the file measuring his status.

Connor’s body has lots of liquid on it (and in it) but other than that, he‘s currently unscratched.  
‘I should give him an extra coat of polish anyway, he’s been doing such a good job.’ Jared thinks idly to himself.  
The light above Connor’s door stops blinking and then it’s open, a man who’s twice his height comes out of his room and Jared can see the veins in his arm muscles. Jared winces in sympathy at whatever he just did to Connor.  
Jared enters and turns the light on, making sure no one will come in while he’s checking on him. When he turns, he flushes awkwardly.

Connor is on his hands and knees still, with a collar on and a leash attached to the headboard.  
“Hang on buddy I’m comin’.” Jared murmurs and opens his toolbox. He unclips the leash and collar from Connor’s neck and the Android turns over to collapse in the bed. He’s shaking a little bit, and his lingerie is ripped.  
“Hey, Con.” Jared whispers softly and Connor turns over to face him. Jared gently starts to untangle Connor’s hair and the boy nuzzles into his hand gratefully.  
“Just hold on a sec, I gotta get the polish and a washcloth.” Jared pulls his hand away and grabs the washcloth, wiping Connor down with some of the sextoy cleaner.  
Connor stretches out and yawns softly.  
“Did I do good?”  
“Yes of course you did Connor.” Jared praises quietly and Connor hums. Jared starts to pull the fleshlight out of Connor’s ass and the Android jolts.  
“That’s removable too?!?”  
“It’s easier to clean out.” Jared explains and goes to dump the cum in the trash, completely grossed out. He cleans it thoroughly with fleshlight cleanse and he dries it with the washcloth, pushing it back inside Connor. The nerves connect again, making Connor sigh weakly.  
“Um... pull the lingerie off please?”  
Connor blinks. “You’re asking?”  
Connor takes off the ruined underwear and sits criss cross applesauce as Jared sprays him down with steel polish, spreading it around with the washcloth to make sure the coat is even.

Connor purrs softly beneath his breath and Jared continues to pet his hair and comb through it with his fingers.  
“Feeling better?” Jared asks and Connor nudges his head back into his hand.  
“Why did the man call me ‘slut?’ Isn’t that a term used for women with many sexual partners?” Jared flushes and cleans the heart window on Connor’s chest with a wet cloth.  
“It can be used for men too...”  
“Is it a compliant?” Connor asks and Jared looks up at his brown eyes. He smiles fondly at the memory of making his pupils blue hearts and his eye itself brown.  
“A compliment. And no Connor, it’s the opposite.”  
Connor’s face falls and he stares at the bedsheets.  
“He said I did good though... did he say a false truth?”  
Jared winces at the extent of Connor’s vocabulary and mentally makes a note to connect him to an online dictionary.  
“I don’t think he was lying to you Connor.”

Jared carefully wipes off the polish with the cloth again, making sure to go with the grain to get it out of the grooves of the steel. Connor didn’t need a weakened and dulled body.  
“I don’t think so either, he sprayed the liquid.”  
“Liquid?”  
“He cummed in me. Doesn’t that mean I did a good job?”  
Jared blushes and pets his head again, settling on agreeing with him. He chooses not to correct his grammar and leans up to kiss Connor’s forehead. The Android seems to brighten and his eyes flash.  
“What is that?” Connor asks and Jared flushes.  
“It’s a kiss... like a way to show affection or to comfort someone.”  
Connor smiles, “Affection?”  
Jared sighs and ruffles his hair a little bit. “I’ll get you a dictionary soon buddy.”  
Connor smiles wider but then he takes Jared’s hand and squeezes it.  
“Can I also have a book about humans?”  
Jared blinks in shock. “I want to know what I’m modeled after!” Connor’s eyes sparkle and Jared swears he dies internally.

_Why did I make him so cute?_

“Of course Connor.”  
“Also... can I see my blueprints? I feel things in my chest and I want to know what they are.” Connor murmurs quietly and Jared smiles. He pops open his toolbox and pulls a small card shaped version of Connor’s design, one side showing the inside, the other showing his outside.  
Connor stares at the plastic card in his hands for a moment and then he throws his arms around Jared’s shoulders, tugging him onto the bed.  
“Thank you!”  
Jared hugs him back and feels Connor rub his forehead against his neck.

 _How_ did I make him this cute?


	4. The Secret Life of the Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Connor I- What’s wrong?” Jared is stopped in the doorway, two books in his arms.  
> Connor rubs the sides of his head and sighs weakly.  
> “My head hurts.”  
> “Your head hurts?” Jared says in alarm and drops the books and he’s muttering to himself beneath his breath.  
> “נא לא להתפוצץ כמו האחרון של אחד.”

Connor opens his chest after Jared leaves and feels for the weird blob in his left side.  
It pulses in his hand and Connor realizes this must be where electricity passes through, along with strings of code and such. He can’t open his head, but he figures out due to where wires are, that everything is connected to something in there. Something that acts as a control center for his whole body. Then he feels around joints and such, trying to mostly figure out what everything is and how it works.

There are two thin wires coming down toward the blob thing and Connor pulls them, feeling it tug on his cheeks. It feels like there are boxes behind them, and he looks on the card Jared gave him to find ‘heat and light’ scribbled beside his cheeks. Oh! That must be the hot feeling!  
Like when the woman asked if she was his first.

So... Jared gave him the ability to ‘blush’ like a human? He doesn’t want to think about what’s in his head that actually lets him think and decides to close his body and set the card down for now. He gets up and walks over to the wall with the thumb print, pressing down on it curiously. The shelf emerges like it did with the assistant, and Connor pulls the shelf itself, finding it rotates, with outfits on each platform.  
He spins it until it comes to a white outfit. The top looks like a lace turtle neck that got cut off beneath the chest and the bottoms are just simple shorts.  
The shorts go up a little high but Connor finds he likes them. 

He tugs them on, the top being a bit of a struggle to get his head through, and likes what he sees in the mirror this time.  
Then the tablet in his bedside table is flashing again, and Connor walks over to scroll through it.

[SILVER]

[Ready]

Grinding  
Fingering  
‘Vibrator’

Connor searches for ‘Vibrator’ mentally and finds a single phrase. ‘(Voice Activated) Unit will vibrate at any speed.’ He assumes ‘Unit’ means him but then the tablet is blinking more viciously and he has to click [Ready] before the person asks for a refund. Jared would be upset if that happened.

This time, Connor lays down in bed and spreads his legs, arms behind his head so the person doesn’t have to move him around so much. The door slides open, Connor has come to love the whoosh sound it makes, and a male looking person walks in, the door shutting behind them.

“Hi.” Connor murmurs, heat flooding his cheeks again and the person stops in their tracks.  
“Damn.” They breathe and sit down on the bed with Connor, feeling his lingerie. “You pull this off so well.” Connor registers that as a compliant- no wait! A _compliment_ , and smiles.  
“Thank you.”  
Just like the others, the person gets right to what they ordered, grinding against Connor’s hips. This time, Connor doesn’t feel a bulge in their pants and Connor’s eyebrows pinch together.  
“You are Male?”  
The person looks up and a soft smile appears on their face.  
“Yes.” There is a bit of excitement beneath that single word and Connor smiles back hesitantly.  
Connor moans softly when he feels something wet rub against his dick.  
“God... I want to fuck you so bad.” The man groans into Connor’s neck and Connor bites his lip. Whatever he’s doing, doesn’t feel right.

Connor helps him unbutton his pants and gets a little more confused once he’s completely naked. He has female genitals, but a flat chest, and he said he was male. Connor decides against saying anything and plans on asking Jared later.

“Do you want me to touch you?” Connor asks and the man’s face turns red. Embarrassed? No, this is something different.  
“That would be nice.” He murmurs and Connor reaches down to rub his fingers against the man’s vagina. This, Connor knew lots about. He didn’t feel stupid here like he did when he was talking to Jared and when he was feeling things.  
This was what he was made for.

The man moans and his hips jerk forward weakly. “D-Do more- F-fuck me ple-please.”  
Connor looks down and notices a clitoris that seems to be enlarged. He rubs it up and down gently with his fingers, and the man stutters that if Connor touches it too much he’ll cum.  
Connor moves to push his fingers in him and the man sighs, small tears glinting at the corners of his eyes.

“Good?” Connor asks softly and he gasps weakly.  
“Yeah,”  
After a few minutes of Connor fingering him, he suddenly clutches onto Connor’s shoulders.  
“Low.” He says and Connor watches with interest as his body starts to vibrate and the man starts to writhe.  
“Fuck!” He shivers and Connor presses his thumb against the man’s clit, making him let out an odd strangled noise.  
“High.” He blurts and the vibration increases suddenly, making a loud buzzing noise. Connor circles his thumb and curls his fingers, and then the man shouts something.

It sounds like a name, but Connor can’t really make it out.  
“F-fuck, Shit-“ The man cums and it sprays against Connor’s still moving fingers. “Aaaah, wait-“  
More liquid comes out and then the man says ‘Stop’, completely out of breath. Connor appreciates that he turned the vibration off because that felt weird. Connor pulls his fingers out with one last brush to his clit, and then he wipes his hand clean on the sheets.

“Holy shit.” The man breathes out and scoots up on Connor’s lap. Connor gently wraps his arms around him, to maybe help him relax or recover, and he remembers Jared’s earlier words.  
‘Affection or to comfort someone.’  
Connor leans forward and gently kisses the man’s forehead. He immediately jerks away in confusion and... he looks upset? Like he’s ready to yell?  
“What are you doing?”  
“Comforting you?” Connor replies and the man shakes his head.  
“No no, that’s only for people you trust.”  
“Trust?”  
The man nods, then he repeats. “Kissing is for people you trust or love deeply.”  
Connor mulls it over, then apologizes for making the man uncomfortable. He doesn’t bother asking what ‘love’ is though, Jared would visit soon.  
He shrugs and pats Connor’s head, moving to dress himself.  
“Don’t worry about it.”

Without another word he exits the room, leaving Connor with his thoughts. Or his code. Connor’s head starts to hurt from ‘thinking’ about it but even registering the pain makes it worse.  
Connor grits his teeth, feeling like he’s spiraling, when the door opens again.  
“Connor I- What’s wrong?” Jared is stopped in the doorway, two books in his arms.  
Connor rubs the sides of his head and sighs weakly.  
“My head hurts.”  
“Your head hurts?” Jared says in alarm and drops the books and he’s muttering to himself beneath his breath.  
“נא לא להתפוצץ כמו האחרון של אחד.”  
Connor feels him touching the back of his neck and then something clicks, his world going black.

[01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101001 01110010 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 01110011 00100000 01110111 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101100 01110101 01100011 01101011 01111001]

When Connor’s eyes readjust, his arms feel heavier, and he lifts it up to touch his head. It wasn’t pounding anymore, and Connor felt lighter mentally.  
”Fuck, what happened?”  
Jared chuckles softly at the cuss word and taps something out on a laptop. A cord from the laptop is plugged into Connor’s neck.  
“Wire got caught in your chest, it blocked a bunch of code trying to reach your head and it probably caused the panic.”  
Connor nods to himself, and then immediately lays back when it feels like the room is spinning.  
“I also took the liberty of expanding your vocabulary a bit.” Jared murmurs, typing something else and Connor smiles gratefully.  
“Thank you.”  
Jared coughs a little awkwardly and sets a book labeled ‘The Secret Life of the Brain’ into Connor’s lap gently.  
“It should answer most of your questions.”  
Connor grabs his shirt and hugs him tightly.

“Are you gonna be-“

Shouting from outside the door cuts Jared off and both boys jump in alarm.  
“Kleinman, your shitty blonde friend is protesting outside again!”  
“He’s not my friend!” Jared fumes quietly and whoever’s behind the door sighs frustratedly.  
“Could you just please HANDLE IT?” The person says and Jared gets up, and gently takes Connor’s hand.  
He screws his dick off for him and then asks him to take the lingerie off before they go check on ‘Evan.’  
Connor assumes it’s another android until he comes face to face with a very human blonde boy, standing behind barriers outside, a bullhorn in his left hand.  
“Oh great, they sent you again.” Evan says with a grimace and Jared rolls his eyes. The people behind Evan continue to shout and have signs lifted high in the air.  
“I don’t want to be here anymore than you do.” Jared says with a hint of annoyance.

Connor notices the building is right on the edge of the lot, in front of rows and rows of trees, seeming to stretch on for forever.  
Evan is holding a sign that says ‘Save Our Orchard’ on it.  
“Come on Evan, your protest groups never work, we’re going to expand whether you like it or not.” Jared says with his hands on his hips and Evan grits his teeth angrily.  
“You turned into a fucking monster.” Evan growls lowly.  
Jared blushes in shame and his eyebrows pinch together.  
“At least I changed! You’re still the loser outcast who can’t even function without breaking down and crying!” Jared’s voice is higher pitched and it cracks twice.  
Evan seems to get more upset and then his eyes drift to Connor behind him.  
“So you made another one. How long until this one explodes and destroys half a building?” Evan says bitterly.  
Connor feels like a weight has dropped down to his stomach.  
“Explodes?” Connor asks and then Evan’s eyes scan his appearance.

Out of nowhere his eyes look haunted and he steps back a bit.  
“Jared what the hell is that.” Evan chokes, thrown completely off guard by Connor’s existence. Connor hides behind Jared nervously. “What the fuck did you do!” Evan screams, his voice going raw and scratchy. Jared turns, taking Connor‘s hand. People are holding Evan back and Connor looks back and meets eyes with a brunette girl who’s holding Evan back as he screams. Her face communicates pure and utter terror and she doesn’t seem to blink.  
“Let’s go Connor.” Jared says softly and Connor trails behind him, not daring to turn back around.

Evan keeps shouting and Connor barely makes out ‘never bring him’ as they leave. Connor feels that rising heat in his body, something that makes him think irrationally. It rises quickly like yeast when you bake bread, starting off slow before suddenly growing out of control.  
“Jared why am I feeling like bread?”

[01000100 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100001 01111001 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01100100]

“YOU’LL NEVER BRING HIM BACK!” Evan screams with a sob and Jared’s heart almost stops in his chest. He doesn’t show that it affects him and drops Connor back off at his room, ignoring his questions.  
“Power down Connor.” Jared says firmly and the robot’s expression falls, his eyebrows pinching together.  
“I-“  
“Power. Down.”  
He looks almost human as the light fades out of his eyes and Jared is reminded of that day. The day he left him.

Jared exits the room and shuts the light off, trying desperately to leave his memories behind with the android.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry fellas this is probably the last time I’m gonna go into full on detail for the smut :*


	5. Trial and Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared threw himself into his work. He started with designs, 3D printing, and then he bought the materials he needed from a construction company supplier.
> 
> In doing so he distanced himself from Zoe and Evan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Blood  
> Major Character Death  
> Murder  
> Suicide Attempt  
> Grief and Mourning!!
> 
> P heavy angst and detailed descriptions

Jared had met Connor when they were in Middle school. Connor Murphy was the angry, troubled child, and he always had been. Ever since second grade when he supposedly threw a printer. People believed it without hesitation, but Jared often wondered how he would be able to do that at such a young age. Jared was the boy who annoyed everyone, and he constantly tried to get a rise out of Connor. Constantly. By senior year of high school the older boy snapped and shoved Jared against the lockers before storming out. Evan was ‘sick’ that day, his stomach churning with anxiety over the first day of school. 

Jared had watched Connor race out and immediately felt regret and guilt. Connor Murphy wasn’t a bad person, he was just stretched too far like a rubber band. Rubber bands all have their breaking point, and Jared worried that he just witnessed Connor’s. So he followed him, like a stalker to his car. Jared apologized and Connor didn’t seem convinced of it.

Jared clung onto him like a koala for the rest of the day, in fear of something bad happening when he left. Connor looked really haunted that day, and his eyes just screamed fear when Jared made that joke in the hall. He just called him a troubled teen, but the way he said it communicated something far far worse.

[01010011 01100001 01110110 01100101 01100100]

They started dating late November. Connor had confessed that he was planning to die the first day of school, and Jared accidentally lunged forward and kissed him in the backseat of his car. Connor didn’t seem all that shocked about it, and even returned it.  
“We’re a pretty fucked up pair huh?” Connor had murmured softly through chapped lips. His breath fogging up the car windows.  
Jared just kissed him in response, tears streaming down his cheeks.

[01010000 01100001 01101001 01110010]

It was a normal morning in the Kleinman-Murphy house. Connor was making coffee, like he usually did, and Jared was sitting at the kitchen island, smiling at his boyfriend while he hummed.  
“How did I get so lucky?” Jared asked and Connor snorted, pressing the coffee beans.  
“You’re staring at my ass again aren’t you?”  
Jared looked up and smiled sheepishly.  
“Would you be mad if the answer was yes?”  
Connor didn’t answer and sat down beside him, his hips gently pressing against Jared’s.  
“Not really, I’d be more mad if you were staring at someone else.”  
“You know I would never do that.” Jared said and Connor smiled, taking a sip from his cup.

[01001101 01101111 01110010 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01000010 01101100 01101001 01110011 01110011]

The afternoon sun was streaming in through the kitchen window when Jared walked in with a box in his hand behind his back.  
“Connor,”  
Jared got down on one knee, and opened the box with the ring, readying his speech.  
Connor tackled him before he could say a word, the gallon of milk he was drinking forgotten on the counter.  
“Wait! I didn’t ask yet!”  
“You don’t need to ask the answer is yes!”  
Connor smashed their lips together and Jared smiled through the kiss, leading to Connor kissing his cheeks and jaw. Connor Murphy was never one for gushy romantic stuff.

[01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111]

Blood pooled onto the floor from both of Connor’s arms, the knife held loosely in his right hand. Jared was screaming, pressing his tee-shirt against the long cuts, trying to stop the bleeding. He screamed for help, someone to call an ambulance, and for Connor to wake up. Neighbors crashed into Jared and Connor’s house, trying to help Jared bring him back. No matter how hard they tried, the light was already gone from Connor’s eyes. He screamed and cried against Connor’s neck, holding him close even though he was already cold and lifeless.  
He stared into those beautiful blue and brown eyes that had held so much joy in them. So much anger and sadness and fear.  
Connor told him he was scared of dying, and Jared believed him.

Turns out he was wrong.

[01010010 01100101 01100010 01101001 01110010 01110100 01101000]

The ‘Sold’ sign outside their house- his house, flapped uselessly in the wind, the new happy couple taking it out to take a picture. Jared got in his car and waved them goodbye, not daring to look back at what was once a home. Jared remembered cuddling in the living room, feeding each other takeout as a joke for date night, being held against Connor’s chest late at night, Connor’s soft gentle smile, his cold blue eyes that filled with warmth when Jared spoke, the hair that rested just above his butt, the special laugh he reserved just for him. He openly sobs in his car on the way to his new one bedroom apartment. He could’ve been with Connor forever, married him, grown old together. Now he didn’t have anything left.

[01000001 01100010 01100001 01101110 01100100 01101111 01101110 01100101 01100100]

The police had dropped the Murphy case, determining that it was a suicide after a few searches. Connor had records of previous attempts and they all involved medication or blood loss. Jared desperately tried to get help from private investigators, but after being told he doesn’t have much money to give they turned him away. Jared could hardly take care of himself, having to stay at the Hansen house with Evan and Zoe because he didn’t know what he’d do if he was alone. He kept telling himself he couldn’t end up like Connor. And that’s when he remembered the files saved in his computer.

Connor’s files. His memories and home movies, laying there untouched since the day of his death. Jared saved them all to a flash drive and typed up a word document of Connor’s personality traits. His favorite things. Places. After he cried while doing so, he realized something. Connor, was left handed. The knife was in his right hand. Connor couldn’t have cut that deeply using his non dominant hand.

[01010011 01110101 01101001 01100011 01101001 01100100 01100101 00111111]

Jared threw himself into his work. He started with designs, 3D printing, and then he bought the materials he needed from a construction company supplier.  
In doing so he distanced himself from Zoe and Evan. Zoe was still grieving herself, and Evan was angry because Jared had recently got a job at Witt Intelligence, the largest tech company on the planet. Their long lasting effect on humanity? Deforestation and smog.

Evan wanted to kill him just for thinking about sending an application, but after he actually got the job, Jared was dead to him. He yelled at him nearly everyday until he cut off communication completely. Zoe had called a few times after Evan cut him off to update him on Evan’s protesting, but the conversation would usually end with Connor or her parents. Jared hung up on her three times and then she stopped calling him altogether.

[01010111 01101111 01110010 01101100 01100100 01110011 00100000 01100001 01110000 01100001 01110010 01110100]

Smoke spiraled around what was left of the room, the deafening boom making his ears ringing loudly. People from the other end of the building showed up to find Jared’s workshop was destroyed, a metal body lying in the very center of the explosion. This was the first of many mistakes that nearly cost Jared his life, but everyday he’d look at Connor’s picture and keep going.  
He was so close to his goal he couldn’t possibly stop now.

[01000110 01100001 01101001 01101100 01110101 01110010 01100101]

Two years, 18 failed androids. All of which have exploded or simply malfunctioned to the point of destruction. Jared had almost given up until he woke up in a cold sweat.  
He knew what he had to do.  
To be human is to feel. If he could make a robot actually _feel_ , everything might follow after. All it would take is a little extra programming and a downloaded vocabulary.

But would it really work like that?  
Jared was missing something. Something really crucial. What could he do to bring him back?

[01000110 01101001 01111000 01100101 01100100]

Connor’s- C0-001’s eyes open slowly, blue light emanating from them and lighting up the dark workshop.  
Jared could’ve cried with joy. He was finally done! First he had to test how well C0-001 could move, his voice, and various other things. C0-001 sits up and Jared checks that off, muttering to himself, a smiling pulling at his lips.  
“Test 1 success.”  
C0-001 immediately starts to ask questions and Jared knows that the rest of his code is restricted, just like he programmed it.  
He looks into C0-001’s eyes, carefully modeled to be the opposite of his Connor. He had modified his body too, so that he wouldn’t look too similar.  
Everything Connor had ever wanted while he was alive, Jared gave C0-001.  
Thicker, curlier hair, wider hips, etc etc.

Jared didn’t know whether to be sad or shocked that C0-001 cursed.

He guessed that it was probably just a bug or a slip of information.

[01010100 01100001 01100010 01101111 01101111]

Throughout his life Jared made many bad decisions. He supposed the worst one he’s made recently, was putting C0-001 in the sex ring. It was foolish really, making a copy of his dead fiancé fuck strangers for the rest of existence.

Worst of all, it made him jealous. Because Connor is his- Was his. Connor was. C0-001 is not. C0-001 is an Android, not a person. A mere possession of the company that Jared built it for.  
Besides, it was too late anyway to take C0-001 out of it.

He wasn’t about to put him in manual labor or childcare. That would be more ridiculous than prostitution. Connor- His Connor, doesn’t- didn’t like kids. He used to joke that they would get a cat or a dog and name it ‘Baby’ instead. And the model Connor was programmed into just isn’t suited for manual labor. 

He could put him in a fighting ring, but Jared isn’t strong enough to do that. C0-001 was never intended for any of this. C0-001 was supposed to be a carrier for what was really important.


	6. Runaway Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think there's a flaw in my code  
> These voices won't leave me alone  
> Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold”

“What did you need again?” Alana asks, typing quickly on her computer. Jared used to admire her for her ability to multitask, working and talking at the same time, but now it just annoyed him.  
“C0-001 has been malfunctioning since he powered down last Friday!”  
“Are you sure this is just a virus and not your programming?”  
Jared flushes and starts to pace.  
“It can’t be. He’s started...”  
“He’s what?”  
“Sad. He’s sad. He’s learned how to be sad!” Jared kicks a book and it slides across the floor, bumping the wall.

Alana looks up in alarm and pulls away from the computer, sitting back in her chair to face him. Her eyes sparkle.  
“He learned?”  
“That’s not the point! I was the one who taught him how!”  
Alana sighs, “And that makes you feel guilty?”  
Jared blushes hotly and tightens his tie.  
“I came here for technical help, not therapy.”  
She gets up and grabs her toolbox from beneath her desk and slips a usb into her pocket.  
“Okay, I’ll help. Take me to him.”  
Jared smiles brightly and then coughs, remembering she’s his boss and he still needs to be professional.  
“This way.”  
Jared navigates through the halls, only just now thinking about what could’ve happened to Connor while he was gone.

Alana presses the door open and Connor is lying on the bed, curled up in the sheets. The comforter is laying on the floor, bundled up, and he has one of Jared’s oversized shirts over his body. Connor had ripped off the lingerie and begged Jared to please let him wear something different. Turns out customers think the pajama shirt is cuter than the underwear, so Jared let him keep it.  
“And he’s been like this for three days?”  
“Yeah, since Saturday morning.”  
Alana sits down on the bed and sets her tool box down beside her feet.

“Hi C0-001, I’m Alana.”  
Connor mumbles something unintelligible in response.  
“I’m gonna help whatever’s bothering you okay?”  
Connor sits up and pulls off the shirt, setting it down gently, and opens his chest.  
“Oh... he doesn’t have skin.”  
Jared nods slowly and Alana moves his chin to the side, looking at his metal neck and chest.  
“You didn’t want him to look more realistic?”  
“Couldn’t afford to. Besides, he was just going to be a prototype. I didn’t think the company would actually want to buy him.” Alaba nods in understanding. Jared chews on his thumbnail and Connor mumbles again.  
“What was that?” Alana asks and Connor sighs.

“I’m horrifying.” Connor says slowly and Jared looks up in shock.  
“You’re not.” Alana says a little softer and Connor frowns.  
“Evan screamed at me. He thought I was a monster.”  
Alana’s expression saddens and she carefully takes Connor’s hand.  
“You’re not a monster. He was just scared.”

[01000110 01101100 01100001 01110011 01101000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011]

“You’re not a monster. He was just scared.” Alana whispers and Connor punches the row of red lockers hard, his knuckles popping audibly.  
“I am! He’s scared _of me._ ” Connor tugs at his hair, his hands slipping slightly. “He‘s terrified. He can hardly speak around me. I’ve tried being nice, I want to be his friend but he keeps freaking out and leaving when I try to talk to him!”  
“That’s just his anxiety and your borderline personality disorder.” She says softly, taking his hand. “Your mental illness isn’t who you are Connor. You’re so much more than that.” She rubs the blood away and Connor’s eyes fill with tears. He collapses in her arms and Alana pets his hair as he sobs.

[01010000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01100101 01101110 01110100]

“Evan just hates technology. It’s not your fault that he hates this company and things like you.”  
Connor takes his hand away and lays back down.  
“My head hurts still. But not like the fire feeling from before. It feels like I’m slowly falling but I don’t care that I am.”  
Again, Connor comes up with another metaphor for sadness.  
“You’re sad.” Jared says and picks up the book from the floor, flipping through it to the right page. “See? Feeling or showing sorrow. Unhappy.”  
Connor reaches out to feel the page.  
“Unhappy?”  
“It’s the opposite of good. Happy is good, and unhappy is hurting or bad.”  
Connor hums softly and Alana smiles.  
“Is Evan the only thing that’s making you unhappy?”

Connor rubs his arm, tracing the spaces between the pieces of metal.  
“Customers are mean. They make me feel... not good. They only want stuff for themselves. They don’t care about me.”  
Jared frowns and takes Connor’s hand gently.  
“Well... that’s kind of what you’re for. To most people all you are is something for them to take from.”  
“What if I don’t want to be that anymore!” Connor takes his hand away again and covers his face, his fingers tugging at his hair.

Alana stares in awe.  
“He’s... really self aware. Like actually...”  
Jared nods and Connor starts to make dry sobbing noises.  
“I don’t want to do this anymore!”  
“So self aware that he... doesn’t want to-“  
Alana stumbles to her feet suddenly.  
“Jared what did you- _How did you,_ ”  
Jared stays quiet and Alana runs out of the room, leaving her tool box behind.  
Jared gently pulls Connor toward him, rubbing his cold back.  
“You don’t have to do this anymore.” Jared whispers quietly and Connor looks up at him from behind his hands.  
“I don’t?”  
“I’ll get you out okay? You won’t have to.”  
Connor starts to make crying noises but he’s smiling. He grabs onto Jared and holds him close.

“What’s happening to me?”  
Jared flips through the pages and keeps Connor close, letting him read the articles and absorb information.  
“Crying? But I’m feeling not unhappy.”  
“There’s good crying too.”

Connor reads the pages about sadness and Jared tells him to skip the parts about ‘dopamine’ and ‘chemical reactions’.  
“Didn’t you make me have something like that?”  
Jared chuckles softly, his eyes darting down to the book again.  
“They’re not real though, so you don’t need to worry about the actual process.”

[01001100 01101001 01100001 01110010]

Connor has a break down nearly every day. Each time Jared visits he seems to get worse, dissolving into dry sobs when Jared steps through the door.

People have started being meaner, getting tougher with him because he won’t stop moving, and Connor cries and opens his arms for hugs and comfort when he sees him. He also says that he’s being treated like a dog and called a slut constantly. 

He keeps saying it makes him feel unhappy and like bread. Jared has to crack open the book again to explain anger, but Connor continues to call it bread.  
“It’s like yeast, it rises up really slow and then explodes!”  
Jared sighs and keeps holding him. Then he has an idea.  
“Hey Connor, you know what animals are right?”  
Connor nods and snuggles close into his shoulder. “If you had to pick, which one would be your favorite?”

Connor hums and taps his fingers together softly. He scoots up in Jared’s lap a bit before responding.  
“I like giraffes. They’re long like me. And yellow is a nice color.”  
Jared chuckles at the ‘long like me’ part and makes a decision. If Connor couldn’t be happy in his current situation he needed comfort.

And Jared wasn’t going to be here all the time even though he desperately wanted to be. 

The next day, Jared shows up for maintenance and Connor’s bottom lip is trembling the second he walks in.  
He wants to just, wrap him up in hugs and whisper sweet things to him all night, but Connor wasn’t his anymore.  
Jared smiles weakly and sits down on the bed next to him.  
“Hey sw-“ Jared coughs to hide the rest.  
“Hi.” Connor murmurs pitifully and Jared takes his hand.  
“You remember you said giraffes were your favorite?”  
Connor nods and Jared bites his lip to hide the frown. They were his Connor’s favorite too.

“I got you something.”  
Connor’s eyes brighten a little bit and then dim instantly. Jared pulls out the brightly colored box from behind his back and hands it to Connor. Connor takes it into his hands gingerly, weighing it carefully.  
“You can open it. You just rip the wrapping paper off.”

Connor snatches the purple paper off instantly, dropping it to the side. He opens the box and his eyes shine when he pulls out the stuffed toy.  
“It’s really for me?”  
Jared nods and Connor inches closer.  
“Can I have a hug?”  
Jared opens his arms with a smile and Connor shoves the box off the bed, scooting forward to curl into Jared’s embrace.  
“Thank you.” His voice sounds watery and choked up, and Jared looks down to find he’s dry crying again.  
“Thank you so much. You take care of me. You’re not like everyone else.”

“Everyone else?”  
Connor looks up at him, the blue hearts glowing.  
“They kick and hit me. You give me hugs and kisses.”  
Jared blushes and rubs Connor’s back a little awkwardly.  
“Well... they’re paying to do that.”  
Connor goes silent for a long minute.

“...Are you paying?”  
Jared laughs in surprise and Connor jolts in his lap.  
“No! Of course not, I built you.”  
“Why did you build me?” 

Jared bites his lip until it stings. “An angel was ripped away from me, and I couldn’t live without them.”  
Connor ponders for a moment.  
“Ripped away how?”  
“Right out of my arms. One moment they were here, and the next they were gone.”

Connor’s face is dark for a moment. And then he remembers the stuffed toy in his hands. He hugs it close to his chest and buries his face in the yellow fur.  
“Thank you for building me.”  
Jared stays quiet in shock.  
Connor leans up and kisses his cheek before laying down on the bed.  
“...my left arm is loose.”

Jared grabs his tools while Connor cuddles with his new toy. It’s a quick fix.  
Jared asks if anything else is bothering him.  
“Emotionally? Many things. Physically, no.”  
Jared kisses his forehead and Connor grabs his shoulders.  
“Jared! I feel love!”  
His cheeks are glowing blue and hot to the touch.

Jared’s face heats to match and Connor smiles at him.  
“I figured it out. Love is when you want someone to always be with you. Right? Did I do it?”  
Jared hugs him and a few tears slip out of his eyes.  
“You did wonderful Connor, that’s exactly what it means.” He can hear himself get choked up and he sniffles a bit.  
Connor smiles and hugs back.

“I feel love to you.” Connor says and Jared’s heart aches.  
“Me too Connor, I love you too.”  
His tears slide off of Connor’s waterproof body and the bot rubs his back.  
“Why is water coming out of your eyes!”  
Jared jumps and sits back up, moving back.  
“Did I make you sad? I didn’t mean to make you sad.” Connor says with a pout and Jared can tell he might cry because Jared is crying.  
“N-no! I just- need to go. Hug your giraffe if you get lonely or sad.” Jared packs up his stuff and Connor toys with the end of his shirt.  
“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Connor, it’s not your fault.”  
Jared walks out and hears Connor immediately start to sob once he goes. Warm tears push their way to his neck and dot his shirt. He keeps his face down walking through the hall, and locks his door once he’s back in his workshop.

He picks up the blueprints for D1-002 and rubs his eyes. Just keep working and everything will be alright.


	7. Beck and Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan is seated, his eyes wide with disbelief.  
> “You expect me to believe that you did some satanic bullshit to make Connor come back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Gore  
> Blood  
> ‘Satanic Bullshit’

It’s 3:46 AM. Jared is pacing in his room. He made a promise he didn’t know how to keep. He didn’t have any idea how he was going to save Connor. This time, he had a chance to, he wasn’t going to throw it away.  
The problem was how. Jared could burn the building to the ground, but that would be unnecessary. That would be something Evan would do. Besides, Mrs. Witt would know way beforehand and send the police his way. He could sneak Connor out after hours, but the clues would lead back to Jared.

He made his decision. He had to quit, and then steal him back. He can’t possibly do this legally.  
It’s the only way to get Connor back, Jared was convinced. Jared grabs his notebooks and journals, packing up the important stuff. The ideas he can’t let the company have. He had her sign a contract, but he knows how much power Mrs. Witt had. Once he quit, she would take anything she could get her hands on. With brute force of course.

That’s just how she worked. She seized opportunities and trained her employees to function as a unit that could survive without her when she was gone. If someone couldn’t fit, she’d cut them off from it without hesitation. People call her Ice Queen for a reason. 

Jared puts his stuff in a box inside the ceiling, locking the box with a key that he ties around his neck with a piece of string. Next he needed someone who could get him in after hours. Someone who was always here and had access to other parts of the building.

“Alana...”

[01000011 01101000 01101001 01101100 01100100 01101000 01101111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100100 01110011]

“Please Lana, he’ll die in here!”  
Alana slams her notebook shut and stands up out of her chair.  
“He was already dead. What does it matter if he dies again?”  
Tears built in his eyes and Jared wrings his hands, cracking his knuckles.  
“Lana please,” Hot salty tears slide down his face and drip to the floor. He licks his lips, shuddering for breath. “I can’t lose him again...”  
Alana quiets when Jared starts to sob. She crosses the room, her back facing Jared, and pulls the emergency escape map out of its folder on the wall.

She grabs a red marker and lays it out on her desk.  
“What room is he in.” Alana says with a defeated, numb voice and Jared bites down on his knuckle. He hopes the pain will distract him from the grief.  
“Thank-“  
“Plan now, gratitude later.”  
Jared stares at her. Her back is shaking, sweaty hands barely gripping the marker.

“418.”  
Alana circles it, the marker squeaking on the paper.  
“Our studies are here,” Alana mumbles, marking X’s over their rooms. “And the main exit is here.” A red dot.

She draws a clean line from their hallway to Connor’s room, “We need to sneak him out somehow...”  
Alana hums. “We can go through the abandoned bit but if someone’s expecting us they’ll know we picked that and we’ll be caught red handed.”

Jared looks up and gets an idea.  
“The vents?”  
Alana looks up in shock and Jared sees the familiar excitement from when they were young. He hadn’t seen anything that close to happiness since before Zoe and Evan’s wedding. The marker squeaks louder as she drags it in a straight line to the back exit over the vents.

She holds the map delicately, folding it into a small square.  
“Now. You’re going to explain everything to me. If you leave out any details, I won’t hesitate.” Hesitate to what? He didn’t know and he was too scared to find out.  
Jared picks at his nails guiltily. “It’s a long story.”  
Alana pulls in her chair, “I have all the time in the world. Start at the beginning.”

[01000001 01101100 01101100 01101001 01100101 01110011]

“Jared we need to talk about D1-002.” Alana says, poking her head into Jared’s workshop and Jared nods, grabbing their plans concealed in D1-002’s file.  
“Be right there.”  
Alana moves calmly and Jack Morrison snickers. Ugh.  
“She’s got you on a tight leash these days huh?”  
Jared flushes and straightens his papers. “I don’t know what you mean.”  
Jack leans against the doorway, his arms crossed in a condescending way.  
“You literally run to her when she asks you to go to her workshop.” Jared blushes. “Is there perhaps, some reason besides your job that you rush to her beck and call?”  
Jared scoffs and pushes his folder in between his armpit and chest.  
“Our relationship is strictly professional you pervert. Now if you’ll excuse me-“  
Jack blocks the door.  
“If it’s strictly professional, wait here with me for a minute.”

Jared shoves him out of the way one handed, hand pressed over his rib cage. He fights back sadness. Connor taught him how to defend himself back in high school.  
“I don’t need to prove myself to you.” He hisses coldly and Jack rolls his eyes.  
“Enjoy being fucked over Beck’s desk.”  
Jared is fuming once he gets to her office.  
“What took you so long?”  
“Jack was being an asshole.”  
Alana rolls her eyes, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Everyone has dealt with him at one point.

“Well, we’ve encountered a problem.”  
Jared sets his papers out neatly on the table next to Alana’s.  
“Oh?”  
“Mm. Two people aren’t enough. We need like minimum three people to get him through the vents.”  
Alana points to the chart Jared provided her. “He’s too heavy for you and I alone to carry him. What is weighing him down anyway? You said he was pretty much hollow.”

“The computer in his head and his chest. And the batteries in his legs and arms.”  
Alana sighs as if to say ‘of course.’  
“Okay well, we need someone else’s help.”  
Jared scoffs.  
“I don’t trust anyone here to help us.”  
“I wasn’t saying here,”  
“ _Are you fucking kidding me Alana?_ ”

[01010100 01110010 01100101 01100101 00100000 01001000 01110101 01100111 01100111 01100101 01110010]

“No! No absolutely not!” Evan pushes himself to stand. “You know what, I’ve put up with your shit for too long! You never talk to me unless you want something!”  
Jared was pretty much begging at this point. He felt so small, Evan towering over him from behind the coffee table.  
“I’m not going to help you sneak out that fucking disgusting-“  
“Connor isn’t dead!” Jared blurts and Evan stops, going deathly still.  
Zoe starts to tear up from her spot beside him on the couch and Evan’s eyes go cold.  
“Get out of my house.”  
“No please! Just listen to me!” Evan shoves him when he stands and Alana helps Jared to his feet with one hand.  
“He’s telling the truth.” Alana says softly and Evan’s hands curl into fists. They start to shake violently.  
“Y-you can’t just fucking- make me grieve over my dead best friend and then say it was all a silly prank Jared I swear to god I will kill you for real-“ Evan’s voice shakes with every word, clearly communicating his grief and anger.

“He’s not dead... anymore.” Jared hugs himself, arms wrapping around his own middle.  
“I thought that maybe, if I gave something else up, I’d get Connor back. Unfortunately, I was right.” Jared reaches down to pull his left pant leg up.

[01000110 01101100 01100001 01110011 01101000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011]

Jared readied the knife over his leg. He’d marked out where to cut beneath the knee. Jared took deep breaths. The model was built, now all he had to do was put Connor in. 

The pain was unimaginable.  
It didn’t go through all the way and Jared had to wack a few times to get it all the way. The circle on the floor glowed ominously as Jared screamed. His detached leg turns to ash, mixing with the blood beneath it.  
His hands shake when he dips his fingers in the blood, drawing the symbol for Connor’s soul inside the head. It glows like the floor and Jared presses the wires to the seal. Hopefully this would work.

C0-001 is closed up and laid on the table. Jared bandages his leg quickly, not bothering to clean up much before pushing the prosthetic on. It stung and made Jared cry out again, but it was worth it.  
It was all worth it for Connor. Jared pulls his pants over the fake leg, making sure he was wearing the longer socks. He grabs the crutches from where they were leaning against the wall and forced himself upright.

Jared cleans up the blood after the circle on the floor fades. Connor would be due to wake up in a few days. If it worked anyway. Jared frowns, smearing the floor with a washcloth.  
And then he’d have to give him away.

[01010000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01100101 01101110 01110100]

Evan is seated, his eyes wide with disbelief.  
“You expect me to believe that you did some satanic bullshit to make Connor come back.”  
Jared buries his face in his hands, his stump aching with phantom pains.  
“Why would I lie.” He says pathetically.  
Evan goes to speak again and Zoe grabs his hand, silencing him.  
“We’ll help you.” Zoe says softly and Jared starts to cry. His whole body shakes with the intensity of his sobs. What he wouldn’t give to have his Connor hold him and wrap him up in a loving embrace.  
“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” Jared shudders between breaths.  
Alana rubs his back while he cries and wipes her own eyes.

Evan sighs.  
“As much as I hate the people you work for...”  
Jared looks up, tears streaming down his face.  
“I never hated you. I just felt betrayed. And then you- you up and left me like Connor did.” Evan rubs his face. Zoe gently wraps her arm around his waist.  
“It’s okay, just let it out.”

“I was angry because, Connor didn’t choose to leave me, but you did. You chose. After everything we’ve been through… and you acted like I was nothing.”  
Jared looks up guiltily and tugs his pant leg back down over his prosthetic.  
“I’m sorry Ev,” Jared gets up on shaky legs and opens his arms. “I won’t ever leave you again.”  
Evan jumps up from the couch and pulls Jared into a bone crushing hug.  
“I missed you-“ Evan whimpers and Jared squeezes back just as tight.  
“I’m sorry I never meant for this to go so far-“

This time their crying is hopeful. They finally have each other back. And soon, they’ll also have Connor.


	8. Missed Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared supposed he probably took it the worst as he climbed into bed. He felt like there were so many missed opportunities. So much he could’ve had with Connor that was ripped away from him.

“You have to tell him Jared.” Alana says softly one evening in her office. Jared knows she’s right, she’s always right.  
“I know...”  
Alana looks up from her notes with a bittersweet smile.  
“Hey. It’s gonna be okay.”  
Jared sighs shakily and nods.  
“Y-Yeah.”  
Alana looks up from her notes.  
“If I know anything about Connor, he loves you too damn much to give you up.”  
Jared bites his lip at the present tense and struggles not to correct it.  
“Yeah.” He says instead, not believing anything else Alana says about Connor from that point on.

[01010100 01110010 01110101 01110100 01101000]

Jared takes a deep breath and opens Connor’s door with a simple press.  
The android jolts up, his giraffe falling to the floor.  
“You’re back!” Connor says with a huge smile. It’s wonky, and Jared can see in his eyes that he was upset over something earlier.  
“I’m back.” Jared says with his own pained smile, his hands tightening around his folder. He was considering backing out. Just letting Connor live blissfully in his ignorance.

Connor opens his arms and Jared chooses to ignore the movement, sitting down on the bed beside him. He looks into Connor’s eyes, and makes his decision.  
“I need to tell you something.”  
Connor drops his arms down, his smile vanishing completely.  
“Am I going to be replaced?”  
Jared immediately makes eye contact with him, “I’m sorry I’ll do better please don’t give me away-“  
Connor grabs Jared’s hands in fear, hoping to convince Jared otherwise.  
“No no!! I’m not giving you away!”

Connor drops his arms again, curling up into a ball, his knees against his chest.  
“What did you want to tell me?”

[01000010 01100101 01110100 01110010 01100001 01111001 01100101 01100100]

Jared shuts off the engine, the car sputtering weakly before coming to a full stop in front of the graveyard. He hadn’t been here since he built C0-001.

He knows the path well though. How could he forget the countless hours he spent, weeping for someone who was never coming back. Or... so he thought at the time. He still can’t believe he did this.

His shoes scuff on the rocks lining the dirt path, his hands gently trailing over graves as he passes. There’s a tree at the top of the hill that Jared knows rests nearby Connor’s spot.

The Murphy family lot comes into view and Jared stops in front of the smooth new looking grave. The dirt has barely settled even though it’s been three years.

Connor Murphy

Beloved fiancé, brother, and son. He never believed in an afterlife, but we hope his soul has finally found peace.

June 13th 2000 - September 17th 2030

Jared sighs. “Hi Connor. I know you’re not here, but I need someone to talk to.”  
Jared sits down beside the stone and presses his hand against it. It’s cold to the touch, and Jared feels the imperfections in the stone.  
“He didn’t take it well. He was really mad at me. And it’s awful because I understand why. This wasn’t just a silly mistake.”

Silence.

A leaf falls from the tree nearby, laying delicately on the floor.

“I was so stupid to do this to you. I don’t know why I ever thought it was a good idea to try and play god like this. I’m sure if you were here you’d smack me upside the head.” Jared laughs bitterly to himself.  
“You used to say that nothing I could do would make you leave me.”

Jared wipes dirt from the ‘C’ in Connor’s name.

“How do you feel about that now? I’m sure if you were here you’d leave me for Alana or something. I mean I know you were gay but...”  
Jared trails off. His leg, or what’s left of it anyway, starts to sting and throb. Weather is difficult when it comes to his leg. It makes the destroyed nerves burn and his muscles tighten up.  
“I have to go. It’s getting cold out.”

Jared wipes more dirt from his gravestone, kissing it gently. His throat feels like it’s been clamped shut by an invisible hand. Maybe it’s Connor trying to kill him from beyond the grave. He wouldn’t be too upset if it was, Jared would deserve it.

“I miss you. So much.” Jared says with a scratchy voice. “I’ve made so many mistakes because of it.”  
He gets up and rests his hand on top.  
“I should’ve just left you alone. Bringing you back to life must’ve been so agonizing and annoying. I mean, you probably did kill yourself like everyone said.”

Tears drop down to bounce off of the black gravestone, washing a thin trail of dust off.

[01010110 01100101 01101110 01100111 01100101 01100110 01110101 01101100]

Connor stares at the door. His name, his soul, it was all someone else’s.  
These thoughts he’s had, they were never his. They were coming from someone else, trapped beneath wires and a metal body.

Connor didn’t know what to do with himself. Jared said he was sorry for lying to him, but Connor just felt so... unhappy. He was angry. It was fiery anger that could melt the strongest metal.

But Connor felt love for him as well. He was indescribably happy when Jared was around, and he came to like all of Jared’s quirks and ticks. It felt like his insides were being torn apart with the combination of love and hate. Connor started yelling at Jared after he told him that everything was a lie.

He doesn’t even remember what he said. He felt like something pushed through and started screaming in his place. 

He remembers the long stretch of silence that followed. Jared’s soft ‘I deserve that.’ And his quiet footsteps as he turned and left, the door sliding shut seamlessly behind him.

He doesn’t know what to do.  
He’s sure this isn’t a normal thing. Part of him thinks Jared’s joking. Because if he was really a soul trapped in a robot, where were his memories from before?

How did this even work? How could he have possibly bound a soul to technology?  
It doesn’t seem possible.

And yet he was the proof it is possible.

It was messing him up. What is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to react?

Was he supposed to be happy? Unhappy?

He was numb. Numb and well... still bread.

He didn’t feel like he was going to explode like normal, but he felt it rise. It rose up and engulfed his entire body like a fire. He clenched his fists, trying to stop them from shaking.  
The tablet is blinking and Connor pulls the pajama shirt on and hides his giraffe beneath the bed, pressing [Ready] without any hesitation this time. After all, he’s had nearly 70 customers now.

[01001110 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 01100110 01100001 01101100 01101100]

Jared pulls his button up off and shrugs on one of Connor’s old shirts. Zoe and Evan had tried to make him get rid of them a few months after he died, but Jared couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt like if he stopped loving Connor he’d vanish somehow. He couldn’t get over him, it just wasn’t possible.

Zoe had found peace eventually. She came to terms with Connor’s death quicker than anyone, even though in the beginning she was angry.

She was angry because Connor seemed like he was finally ‘back to normal’ but it turned out he was just bottling it up. At least that’s what she said at the time.  
She got a therapist, started taking antidepressants, and seemed to finally reach acceptance. She’d talk of him fondly, like he’d just gone away on a trip. Jared knew of course, that she wasn’t in denial, but she’d act as if his death wasn’t a very bad thing. His picture is on a magnet on Zoe’s fridge with a short quote beneath it. He couldn’t remember what it was, but by how it was worded it must’ve been a song or a children’s story.

Evan had and still has a much harder time. After Connor confessed everything to his parents and the school therapist, he was finally prescribed the right medication. And with that he decided the first step after was to make some friends.  
They were each other’s first real friends. At the time Jared was still hovering around Connor awkwardly. Evan had been lonely since Jared started his bullshit and Connor had been lonely since the rumors spread.

Evan used to talk about quiet afternoons where they’d just coexist and listen to music. He said he’d never been so calm around another person. He said sometimes they’d lay outside, the sun falling below the horizon and Connor would do that one ugly loud laugh that meant that he really found something funny. He used to hold in all his laughter. 

As well as calm Evan down, Connor had supposedly helped him stand up to people. Eventually, because of that tiny tiny start, Evan started protesting. Specifically protesting as a Feminist and Environmental activist. Connor used to encourage it, let him rant loudly and would sometimes join in dramatically.

Jared had no idea how Alana coped. She had been friends with Connor from the end of senior year to when he died. She never talks about him, only makes a pained expression when he’s brought up. She’d become less talkative since that September afternoon, and Jared can’t blame her. He has too.

Jared supposed he probably took it the worst as he climbed into bed. He felt like there were so many missed opportunities. So much he could’ve had with Connor that was ripped away from him. But then again, that probably didn’t justify trapping a human soul in a metal body. Especially the soul of a person who possibly committed suicide.

Jared felt guilt weigh him down completely. If it wasn’t for work he’d probably never leave his bed. He’d have nothing keeping him going.

And it doesn’t matter how happy he is when he‘s around C0-001, knowing Connor is not really rotting in the ground.  
What he did was disgusting and selfish, just like C0-001 said. He didn’t think C0-001 knew those words, but it didn’t matter because they were true. He was a disgusting piece of shit for doing it. For bringing him back and then lying to his face. For forcing him to work even though he wasn’t ‘built for anything.’ For making him feel terrible every day.

Jared felt like he was made of glass. Shattered with spider web like cracks, spreading all over his surface, small shards giving way to create chasms in his body. Life was just chipping away at him, forcing him to stay put as it steadily broke him down.

Jared wonders if he’d have turned out the same if Connor was still here. If he wasn’t stuck in a hollow body. If he wasn’t forced to be welded to a mess of cords and computers. Maybe he wouldn’t be so fucked up with grief and guilt.  
But there’s nothing he can do about it now. The floodgates are open, and everything is spilling out rapidly.

Jared grabs a fluffy blanket from Connor’s side of the bed and tries to wrap himself in it. Connor’s pillow makes a home against his chest, getting cuddled aggressively. It doesn’t smell like him anymore, but sometimes Jared would dab Connor’s cologne on it or on his shirt. It was never the same, but it was similar and that’s all that mattered. He supposed it probably wasn’t good for his health to have this many reminders of his mistakes, but as sleep dragged down on his drained mind, Jared couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He was already falling down the endless black void of unconsciousness.


	9. Quitting and Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She picks it up and cuts it in half with scissors, slicing over his picture’s neck. Jared swallows again and tightens his tie.  
> “I’m aware that you’re dealing with a loss, but you didn’t need to give up. It’s pathetic really. And you know what?”
> 
> “I hate pathetic people.”

Connor stares at the door. Jared hadn’t visited in four days, since he confessed the truth. Everyday he was gone, more questions came to the surface of Connor’s mind. It’s like he was falling endlessly, and the longer he fell the tighter the space around him became.

Yes, he was still mad. He still felt incredibly unhappy about Jared lying. Sometimes he wants to yell at him more. But he also loves Jared too much. Way too much to let him leave forever.

Connor grabs the tablet from his bedside table and clicks the button with a person shape above it. Maybe it’s for calling people. A light on Connor’s ceiling comes down and turns red, flashing in time with the tablet. After a few moments, the light retreats, and a woman steps into the room.

Connor stares at her. She has a gun on her belt.  
“Did you mean to call?” She asks and Connor nods hesitantly. “What is it.” She says bluntly, with a quieter voice. As if someone in the room is listening in.  
“Do you know J- Mr. Kleinman?”  
She takes her hand off the gun and frowns.  
“That button, is for emergencies. There’s another for maintenance beside it. It’s got a hammer symbol?”  
Connor looks down and notices that there was indeed, another button. He slides his teeth across his lip and ducks his head in shame.  
“Did you want me to get Jared or are you fine?”  
Connor sits up criss cross applesauce and nods sheepishly.  
“Could you please, ma’am?”

She rolls her eyes and presses a button on her headset.  
“Yeah. Mm, 418?” After a minute she speaks again. “Jared Kleinman.”  
A click sounds through the room and she sighs.  
“He’ll be here in a minute.”  
She leaves without another word and Connor rubs his neck, feeling the soft stretchy material wrapped around metal. Jared had used it for movement, and apparently he needed a lot for the neck to be stable because it felt like there were layers.

The door slides open and Connor drops his hand. He feels choked up and fiery again, but he holds everything he wants to say back. Thick silence fills the room and Jared stares at Connor with dark tired eyes. Connor recognizes he has the eye bags again, and his usual button up is rumpled and not tucked in. 

“Did you need something?” He asks softly and Connor rubs his hands together.  
“Yes.”  
Jared sets a file down with D1-002 written neatly in the yellow rectangle on the side. Jared stands expectantly and Connor holds back everything containing anger.

“I forgive you.”  
Just like that, the flames that had been choking him up and filling him with smoke were extinguished.  
Jared stares in complete disbelief. Like he thinks Connor is telling a lie.  
“No... Connor you can’t,”  
“But I can! Because I do!”  
Jared’s eyes flicker and change rapidly. “Connor you can’t just forgive me in four days over, over putting you in a metal prison after you committed!”  
Connor goes to shout back but then he stops, feeling like someone just knocked him backward by the chest. “Committed? Committed what?”

Jared goes completely silent, guilt prevalent in his eyes.  
“People think you may have... killed yourself. I don’t believe it, but the police said it was an open-and-shut case.”  
Something flashes in Connor’s head, and static starts to screech in his ears.

There’s a dark figure standing in front of a blinding rectangle of light.

Something shatters loudly below,

They’re coming towards him! What do they have in their hand?

Connor feels white hot pain in his arms... and then his vision blacks out.

He opens his eyes in Jared’s workshop, Jared standing over him with the clipboard, checking things off.

Static rings through again and Connor grabs the sides of his head.  
“Make it stop!” He screams.  
Jared’s cold hands bring him in for a hug and then his vision goes out completely. The static is gone.

A big green bar labeled Loading is steadily increasing in this black space. Connor looks around and comes face to face with a symbol drawn in dark red, or maybe brown? There are wires pushed against it from all sides, but one is broken, sparks flickering from the open end. Connor sees something above him—

“Connor!” Jared says and he opens his eyes. He’s back in his room, Jared’s hands are still wrapped around him protectively. “Hey are you okay? What happened-“  
“I saw somebody.” Connor says softly.  
Jared bites his lip.  
“It’s okay Connor it’s just me, I’m right here,”  
Jared doesn’t let him speak anymore, cradling him close.

“I love to you.” Connor murmurs softly and Jared chuckles weakly.  
“I love you too, but you’re saying it wrong.”  
Connor’s cheeks heat and he nuzzles into Jared’s chest, bringing his legs up closer.  
“I’m love you?”  
“I love you.” Warmth fills Connor’s chest. “That’s how you say it.”  
“I see...”

Jared runs his fingers through Connor’s hair, pulling at the tangles.  
“Connor... you can’t just forgive everything I’ve done. You know that, right?”  
Connor shrugs and pushes his head up into Jared’s hand.  
“Obviously I can because I did.”  
Jared’s face goes red and a giggle falls from his lips, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.  
“I don’t care I just... don’t want you to leave me.”  
Jared kisses his forehead and smiles.  
“Now that, I won’t do.”

[01001111 01100010 01110011 01100101 01110011 01110011 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 0001010]

Jared’s footsteps echo ominously in the empty hallway to Mrs. Witt’s office. Jared sent her a long email about needing to speak with her and she responded with,

_8:30 AM sharp. Tuesday._

So here he is, waiting outside her door at 8:29. When she means sharp, she means not a second before or after. Jared bites his lip and tastes iron. He had hidden everything away at home and left fake blueprints lying around. He was sure she was going to spin the contract and repossess everything in his workshop.

Jared knocks the second the clock hits and he hears an indifferent ‘Come in’ from inside. Jared opens the door and almost freezes when he sees her cold blue eyes are staring right at him. She’s leaning her chin on her hands, her blonde curls pushed back.

“I know what you’re here for Mr. Kleinman.” Mrs. Witt says with a neutral voice and Jared wills himself to stay standing.  
“Oh?” He replies lamely and she nods.  
“You want to quit.”  
Jared nods once hesitantly.  
She hums and straightens some papers on her desk.  
“A shame really, you had so much potential.”  
Jared’s heart races and she looks up again, making his feet feel stuck to the floor.  
“Hand over your blueprints.” She says and Jared swallows hard.  
“They’re in my... in my office.”  
“It’s not your office anymore.” Mrs. Witt says with a glare.  
Jared swallows hard and takes off his card and walks toward her to put it on her desk.

She picks it up and cuts it in half with scissors, slicing over his picture’s neck. Jared swallows again and tightens his tie.  
“I’m aware that you’re dealing with a loss, but you didn’t need to give up. It’s pathetic really. And you know what?”  
She gets up from her chair and Jared’s throat closes.  
“W-what?”  
“I hate pathetic people. They’re useless wastes of space.” She says, staring down at him with disdain.  
“Leave my office.”

Jared nods and bites his lip.  
“It was a pleasure working for y-“  
“Out. Now.”  
Jared turns and speed walks out, the door shutting quietly behind him with a creak.  
A shiver runs down his spin and he hurries out of the building, getting in his car and driving away quickly. A ping sounds from his phone and Jared looks down to find Alana had replied to his earlier text.

To: Abby  
_Please check on Connor and let him know I quit._

From: Abby  
**I’ll let him know as soon as I can, have you called Ethan or Sophie?**

Jared smacks himself. Right, he was supposed to tell Evan and Zoe. Because for some reason, despite all his mistakes, they’re helping him.

“Hey Siri, Call Ethan.” Jared says to his phone and it starts to ring. Jared was planning on wiping the card and destroying the phone when they got to Zoe’s vacation home.

“Hello?” Evan asks, “Jared?”  
“Hey, I just quit.”  
Evan sighs and there’s soft talking and static in the background.  
“When are we...?”  
“In two days.” Jared was lying. They were going to go tomorrow. He couldn’t take any chances incase someone hacked his phone. He told Evan in person that whatever date he gives him would be two days ahead of the real day.  
“That early?”  
Jared hums softly and Evan tells Zoe something. “Guess we should get some gas huh?”

Their alibis were that Zoe was getting ready to go on a trip, Evan was protesting, and Alana would be working late. Jared had nothing, but he cut every tie that led him to the future crime. He’d say he was just going through his day like usual, eating dinner, taking a shower, and crying himself to sleep. You know, the usual.

“Probably.” Jared replies softly and Evan coughs.  
“Which gas station do you think we should go to?” Code for which exit Jared and Alana are using.  
“I dunno. I think Arco is open.”  
Evan hums and Jared can hear his jaw clicking.  
“Hey Jared?”  
Jared flicks his indicator and changes lanes.  
“Yeah?”  
“This is gonna sound weird but... I really did miss you and even if you don’t think so I considered you to be my best friend.”  
Jared can’t respond before Evan hangs up.

To: Ethan  
_I missed you too_

Jared pulls into his garage and unloads the back of his car, hiding his notes under the trapdoor on the floor.

“I’m coming Connor.” Jared says softly and grabs the map, a knife, and some clothes for Connor.

[01010111 01100101 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101000 01101001 01101101]

Jared snuck in through the back, Alana had disabled the security cameras in this section and the hallways leading to Connor’s room.

Jared stops at Alana’s office and knocks softly. It was after 6:00, almost everyone had gone. Alana however, normally stays until 9:00 or 10:00. She never asked for overtime and Jared suspected she was working to avoid thinking too much, just like Jared had. Alana’s door slides open and she sighs, adjusting her glasses.  
“Are they out?”  
Jared nods. Zoe was waiting in an alley nearby with the car and Evan was causing a distraction with a protest group.

There’d be enough chaos for them to slip away and meet Zoe at the rendezvous point.

“You shut him down before you left right?” Jared asks and Alana nods, going over to the wall, and shutting off the building’s power.  
“That gives us at least twenty minutes.” Alana whispers and they walk quickly through the halls, taking advantage of the large group outside.  
Jared can hear Evan get louder and sirens nearby, on their way to possibly detain him.

Jared sends a text telling him to start a ‘peaceful protest’ where they chain themselves to the trees instead. Evan sends back a thumbs up and he can hear struggling outside.  
Alana uses her chip to open Connor’s door and they slip in.

“Jared I thought you quit!” Connor says in pleased shock and Jared sighs.  
“I thought you turned him off.”  
“So did I, fuck.” Alana mumbles and pinches the bridge of her nose.  
“Jared you really-!”  
Jared covers his mouth and reaches back for his switch. Connor frowns and tries to break away.  
“Connor we’re getting you out but you need to be quiet okay? Everything will be fine.”  
Jared watches the lights in his eyes go out when he shuts him off and then the lights in the building flicker back on. Jared curses and Alana sighs weakly, tapping something on her phone. He suspected she was still messing with the security cameras.

Jared pops open the vent and pushes Connor through, Alana following quickly behind. She slides the cover back on and they crawl through, trying to remember which way to go.  
“Left.” Alana whispers softly and Jared turns, holding Connor on his back. It hurt like hell because the bot was insanely heavy but Jared was feeling energized. His heart was beating so hard he could feel it against his chest, and the fear that someone was going to catch them was pumping liquid adrenaline into his veins.

Eventually there’s a light and Jared knows they’ve made it. They climb through and slide carefully to the ground next to the dumpsters. Jared slides one of Connor’s old jackets on him to hide his face and flicks his on switch.

Connor slowly opens his eyes and jolts at his surroundings.  
“Can you put these on?” Jared asks, pointing to the jeans folded in his lap.  
“I- when did we get out-“  
“Please Connor we don’t have much time.” Jared says desperately and the android slides them on, kicking his feet in annoyance.  
“I hate these.” Connor says with a frown and Jared laughs a little bit.  
“You used to like skinny jeans when you were alive.”

“Can you both hurry up? It’s bad enough that Evan attracted the police, someone might realize Connor’s gone soon.” Alana says biting her nail.  
Connor pulls on the tennis shoes Jared hands him and apologizes softly. He stands on shaky legs and they make their way to the car, Jared texting Evan that they were ready.  
Connor has to hold onto Jared’s arm to walk properly, his knees still shaky under his weight.

Zoe is parked beside an apartment building and Alana opens the door to the back, pushing Connor to go in lightly.  
Jared gets in beside him and hugs him close, wrapping his arms around Connor’s middle.  
Alana sits on Connor’s other side and Zoe sighs through her nose.

“We’re going through a whole lot of trouble for something that could’ve been avoided.” She says softly.  
“I’m sorry.” Jared murmurs again and she waves her hand dismissively, pulling at her hair idly.  
“I’m sorry too.” Connor says even though he doesn’t quite understand what Zoe’s talking about.

Zoe snorts and turns the radio on, gentle music starting to play.  
“You never used to apologize when we were younger Connor.”  
The bot fidgets with Jared’s hand.  
“Oh.”  
“You used to say it made you feel vulnerable or something.”  
“I don’t remember that.”  
“I know.” Zoe hums and then a loud smack sounds through the car.

“Fuck. Me. Why didn’t I think of that before?” Jared runs a hand through his hair.


	10. I Remember You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you remember this place Connor? Do you remember anything from our childhood?”  
> Our.  
> Not your.  
> Connor furrows his brows in confusion and checks for anything involving Zoe.

“Think of what?” Alana says in confusion and Jared cracks his knuckles.  
“It doesn’t take much to get rid of the coding in Connor’s head. In no time he’ll be back to normal!”

Connor feels weirdly choked up. “You mean to tell me you could’ve fixed this from the beginning!” Connor shouts and then immediately shuts his mouth. He doesn’t know where that came from.  
“I- Yeah. I blocked all your memories and shit... I thought it would be easier for you that way.” Jared mumbles and then looks out the window.

“I’m sorry for shouting.” Connor says softly and internally he feels like a puppet. Like someone else is controlling his words. “I know you hate that.”  
Jared sniffles and shrugs.  
“It’s fine Con.”  
Connor feels warm and leans onto Jared more, his hand reaching for Jared’s.

All of the sudden sirens go off in the distance and Alana bites her lip.  
“The emergency alarm. They must’ve figured out Connor’s missing.”  
Connor leans closer and looks over Jared’s shoulder at his phone. He’s texting Evan rapidly under another name, and Connor figures out fairly quickly that they did this on purpose.

To: Ethan  
 _Hurry up dude or we’re gonna be late getting to the campsite_

From: Ethan  
 **Shit okay I’ll be there in five**

“Evan’ll be here in five minutes.” Jared says softly and Zoe starts to twist her hair between her fingers.  
Connor recognizes the movement and fidgets with Jared’s hand, tracing the lines in his palm.  
“I think Evan will be fine.” Connor says softly and Zoe’s fingers pause.  
“Yeah.” She whispers and then the car door clicks loudly.  
They all jump until they notice it’s Evan trying to get into the passenger seat.

Connor stares at Evan for a minute as he gets in the car, Zoe speeding off. His head starts to hurt and he hears pounding in his ears.

[01010100 01110111 01101111 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100100 01110011]

Connor takes a drag from his joint and offers it to Evan, who’s laying beside him in a grassy park. Evan takes it and inhales, only coughing a little bit. Connor chuckles. Evan hadn’t touched drugs before Connor met him but he did admit to wanting to and confessed he’d gotten drunk dozens of times with Jared.

“Uh Connor... please don’t get mad.” Evan starts, passing the joint back to Connor’s waiting fingers.  
“No promises.” Connor replies, looking up at Evan with nervous eyes. What could Evan tell him that’d make him mad?  
“I have to ask you something...”  
Connor notices the blush on his face and his fidgeting fingers.

_Oh god... Connor was gonna have to let him down easy. Shit why can’t he just have one friend that isn’t crushing on him?_

“I want your permission to ask Zoe out.” Evan rambles out in one breath. Connor blanks and stares at him in shock, a confused laugh bubbling up in his chest.  
“You like my sister? Gross.”   
Evan gently punches him.  
“S-so?”  
“Go nuts. You already know what happens to people that hurt her feelings.” Connor places the joint back at his lips and Evan gives him a small smile.

[01001111 01101110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110000 01100101 01110010 01100110 01100101 01100011 01110100 00100000 01100100 01100001 01111001]

Connor comes to when Jared laces their fingers together, resting his cheek on Connor’s shoulder.  
“- soon okay?” Jared whispers and Connor nods, not knowing what Jared was talking about. His tone was comforting, so Connor let himself relax.  
“Hey Evan,” Connor asks and the blonde jolts. He starts to mumble something and Zoe smacks him lightly on the arm.  
“Uh... yeah?”  
“Did we used to go to a park? A green one with big oak trees?”  
Evan’s silent for a very long time and then he slowly turns to face Connor.  
“...yes?” He replies with something akin to terror on his face.  
“Did we smoke weed?”

Evan coughs awkwardly, his cheeks turning bright red.  
“I uh-“  
Zoe’s glaring at Evan from the corner of her eye and Evan shrinks.  
“No?”  
“But I saw something? We were smoking and you asked me if you could ask Zoe out.”  
Zoe lets out a surprised laugh and Evan deflates in his seat, a dark blush coloring his face.  
“You asked my brother for his blessing?!” Zoe cackles and Evan covers his face with his hands.  
“I was high! And I thought it was a good idea-“  
“Evan that’s so adorable oh my god,” 

Jared starts to laugh too and then Alana’s joining in and Connor feels like he’s done something right. Maybe... he was what they were missing?  
“Fuck you Connor I’m never gonna live this down-“ Evan whines from behind his fingers and Zoe gives him a quick peck on the cheek, making him more flustered.  
“Feel free to share any more Evan stories,” Zoe snickers and reaches over to snatch the blonde’s hand, holding it as she drives with one hand.

[01010011 01101111 01101101 01100101 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110011 01100001 01100110 01100101]

The drive is long, but no one follows them. Maybe it’s due to Zoe changing course a dozen times every few minutes, but no one is on their tail.  
Alana calls in sick to work and spends all day editing the footage from the security camera to make it seem like she worked late that night. She couldn’t put them in danger like that.

“I’m going to go missing.” Alana says, and it confuses everyone before she clarifies. “I’m not going to call into work and I’m going to let them look for me. They won’t be able to track my phone if I get rid of it and soon I’ll be deemed a missing person.”  
Jared, who is nearly sitting in Connor’s lap, winces. “Are you sure you want to do that? You can never go home Lana.”  
“For Connor, I’d do anything.” She says with a terrifyingly calm voice.  
Jared promises to back up the memory chip and Alana destroys her phone and buries it deep in the ground outside.

Once they get out of the city, Connor almost crushes Jared against the door in his excitement to look outside.  
“What’s that?”   
“A lake.” Evan answers after glancing over to where his finger is pointing.  
“And that?”  
“A solar panel.” Jared murmurs tiredly and Connor rests his hand on the window, the metal clinking quietly.  
“I like outside. I want to stay out.”  
Jared tightens his arms around Connor’s middle and promises that he’d never be trapped again.

Soon, the sun is lowering and they’re running out of the emergency food Alana had packed.  
They come across a tiny fast food place and Zoe stops the car.  
“Who’s got a generic face?” Zoe asks and Evan sighs.  
“I guess I’ll take the wheel for the drive through.”  
Connor hides on the floor of the car, his jacket bunched up around his knees and face to hide any metal if they did see him.  
The cashier comments that ‘this is the weirdest double date’ they’d ever seen and Jared flushes in embarrassment.  
He hadn’t noticed how close to Alana he was and almost smacked himself. Of course they thought that.

On the floor Connor felt... fiery? Not like the smoke clogging his lungs. He felt red hot, listening to the cashier call Jared and Alana a couple. _Jared is not dating Alana. Jared is engaged to me._

Connor blinks... _or was engaged. To past me._ That thought makes him a little angry and he stews in his corner on the floor as they order. Connor wants to grab Jared and hold him far away from everyone else, but Connor has to hide. He has to hide because Jared decided the best thing to do was sell him to the company he worked at.

Connor blushes. Maybe he hadn’t completely forgiven him after all...

“Connor? It’s safe to come back up?” Jared says with a soft chuckle and Connor blinks back to the present. He scrambles up into his seat and clutches onto Jared possessively, pressing his lips to Jared’s neck.  
The smaller boy’s cheeks feel warm against Connor’s hand, and the Android surges forward to connect their lips.  
Connor feels something smooth and wet glide over his fingertips and he opens his eyes. Jared is crying, his fingers sliding through Connor’s hair.

“Don’t cry,” Connor says softly and the smaller boy weeps more, heaving for air.  
“I missed you so fucking much-“  
Connor kisses him again and holds Jared close to his chest. Jared is his and if anyone dares to challenge that, Connor would have to have a lovely little chat with them.

[01000110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111]

A few days into the drive, Connor notices the orange sand outside slowly breaks away for large ‘Christmas’ trees. Evan said that’s not what they really are but Jared and Zoe loudly talk over him, exclaiming that they are and always will be solely for Christmas.

The dry desert turns to a snowy wonderland, and Connor notices large mountains in the distance with black lines going all across it. Something sparks in his head. And then, instead of static, there’s a distinct feeling of something popping in his head.   
He opts to not say anything about it, until Zoe sighs sadly.  
“Do you remember this place Connor? Do you remember anything from our childhood?”  
Our.  
Not your.  
Connor furrows his brows in confusion and checks for anything involving Zoe.

‘You asked my brother for his blessing?!’

Brother. A man or boy in relation to other sons and daughters of his parents. Then that means-

“You’re... my sister. We used to come here.”  
Something snaps violently and Connor jolts. No more static. There are loud frightening pops and sparks and Connor can hardly focus. Images of a screaming family, snow ball fights, skiing, hate... it was all stirring in Connor’s head like a storm.  
“I hated it,” Connor struggles to get out after a minute and Alana grabs his shoulder.  
“It’s okay Connor, take a deep-“ She pauses. “Take a minute. You don’t need to relive anything right now. I know it’s overwhelming.”  
Connor nods and grips the sides of his head. Slowly, the cracking going off in his head recedes, the road getting smaller as they get closer to their destination. Zoe’s staring at the road with stone cold eyes, gripping the steering wheel as if her life depended on it.

_What happened here that makes her so angry? Did I do something?_

“We’re here.” Evan offers quietly after a few minutes of tense silence. Connor’s head aches when he sees the expensive log cabin that the Murphy’s used as a vacation home.


	11. An Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared rushes downstairs and notices Connor on the floor, screaming as loud as he possibly can, holding his head.

Connor’s feet crunch against the ice and snow as they walk toward the cabin. More memories of crying alone in his room and being absolutely miserable float to the surface of his mind. Larry telling him ‘it’s just a vacation,’ and telling Cynthia ‘he just needs time.’

Connor stops in his tracks and Jared looks at him in confusion.  
“Who are Larry and Cynthia? Why do they hate me?” Connor’s legs are shaking and Jared gently reaches around to hold him up.  
“Hey, Connor, hey it’s okay, everything’s gonna be fine. Do you wanna power down for a minute?”  
Connor hadn’t realized he was full blown panicking until Jared led him inside, laying him down on the couch.  
“I’m gonna turn you off okay Con?”  
Connor nods and feels like another bomb went off in his head.  
“Please-“  
Jared flicks the switch and Connor’s vision goes black.

[01010011 01101001 01100010 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110011]

Jared gently wraps his... boyfriend? Fiancé? Up in a soft blanket and heads outside to help Zoe and Alana unload the car. Evan was inside turning on the gas and power, checking for any indication that the Murphy parents would show up.  
It was the perfect time for skiing after all.

Zoe’s eyes were glazed over slightly, her movements completely mechanical. She was moving but her mind was somewhere else.  
“Zoe,” Jared says and she blinks. Once. Twice. Before turning to him.  
“What’s up?”  
“Are you okay?” He asks. He knew Connor and Zoe had bad memories of this place but he didn’t think it would make them... like this. Connor almost fell to the floor when he saw the house and Zoe had been off in another world since they got here.

“Yeah... I-“ She pauses, staring at the frosted windows. “He hated it here. And he liked to take it out on me.”  
Jared freezes suddenly. He knew Connor and Zoe hadn’t been on good terms after Connor got worse but... surely she couldn’t mean that?  
Connor would never lay his hands on her.  
“He’d always either be crying or screaming. There wasn’t really a middle ground.” She smiles in a bittersweet way.  
“But that was a long time ago.”

Alana pulls a suitcase out of the back and Jared almost smacks himself at his stupidity.  
“I only packed for Connor. I didn’t pack any clothes for me.”  
“God you’re fucking stupid.” Zoe says with a smile. “He doesn’t even need to wear clothes.”

[01010000 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01110100 01101111 01100111 01100101 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010]

Jared did remember to bring his toolbox, so he grabs it and heads over to Connor’s unconscious body. He turns his fiancé (?) over and pulls his hair out of the way to open the panel at the back of his head. He’s greeted with three snapped wires, buzzing with static that have been disconnected from the blood seal. He stares at them curiously. 

Has Connor been breaking them off himself?

No, that isn’t possible. Maybe something is making them snap off?

Jared scoffs. Either way, he was going to get rid of the coding. He snips the broken ends of the wires and drags them out with a pair of tweezers. He does this slowly so he doesn’t damage the symbol and sighs in relief when they all come out unscathed. 

Then he pulls the raspberry pi and it’s attached battery out. Jared watches curiously for any twitches or mistakes but nothing happens. He removes the rest of the now useless wires and shuts his panel securely. He moves onto the other unnecessary censors, until all Connor’s left with is the blood seal and the thick fabric lined metal keeping his limbs down and together.

Jared wraps him back up in the blanket and then he feels Evan’s hand on his shoulder.  
“Hey,” He says in that soft comforting way that Jared remembers from their childhood. “Are you okay?”  
Jared nips his bottom lip and shrugs.  
“Do you want to come to the store with me? I’m walking so... it could help clear your head a bit? If you want to anyway you obviously-“  
“Ev.” Jared reaches over and pats Evan’s hand gently. “I’d love to come with. That sounds... nice.”  
Evan smiles suddenly, his eyes softening.  
“Oh, great.”

Jared and Evan walk through the inch thick snow and Jared curses himself for wearing jeans. His thighs feel numb from the cold denim rubbing back and forth against his skin. There’s a solid fifteen minutes of silence before Evan decides to speak up.  
“So... Connor’s fixed up?”  
Jared nods hesitantly. He still doesn’t know how Evan feels about Connor being back so suddenly.  
“Good,” Evan breathes, pulling his scarf tighter around himself. “That’s good,”  
Jared nods again and bites at the chapped skin on his bottom lip.

Connor’s probably still a lump of blankets on the couch, and he knew he was fine but paranoia started to creep into his mind.  
“I... so he’ll remember everything?”  
Jared nods again, at a loss for words. “Everything.” He confirms and Evan blushes.  
“Great.”  
They reach some seemingly off brand supermarket and Evan goes to get a cart, smiling to himself.

He’d been so alone for so long and now he has two of his favorite people back in his life. He was so sure he’d never see them again, (well more sure about Connor but still), and having this small sense of normalcy was like a breath of fresh air.

“What do we need to get?” Jared asks and Evan shrugs, pushing the cart with the squeaky wheel through the sliding glass doors. Jared shudders at the cold rush of central air conditioning and subconsciously moves closer to Evan, his hands furiously balled up in his pockets.  
“The fridge had nothing in it when I checked so, just the basics I guess? Zoe and I’ll cover if you want other stuff though it’s no problem.”  
“What the fuck? Evan I’m not letting you-“  
“Dude.” Evan stops in his tracks, Jared looking back at him. Evan’s eyes were serious. “You paid for my school lunches every day for seven years. Think of it as paying you back.”  
Jared nods once, and only once, because Evan when he was serious, angry, or sad is not someone to mess with. Jared almost shudders in remembrance of Evan snapping at him for the first time.

His eyes went dark and cold, his whole body rigid and shaking with poorly restrained rage, his nails digging aggressively into his palms. Jared had expected shouting, but Evan’s voice was horrifyingly calm.

No, he’s not something to mock when he gets like that. Jared was sure a bodybuilder could tremble beneath Evan’s gaze alone.

“Okay.” Jared whispers softly and Evan starts pushing the cart again, throwing a loaf of bread in carelessly.  
“Could you get cereal? I’ll be in the milk aisle.”  
“Why are you getting milk?”  
“Uh? For Connor? Oh wait-“

Evan and Jared fall silent. They’d forgotten he couldn’t eat or drink anymore.

“W-well, maybe Zoe will want some with her cereal.”  
Jared nods awkwardly and rubs the back of his neck.  
“Okay.”  
He leaves and stands in front of the colorful boxes when he feels a rough hand on his shoulder.  
“Fancy seeing you here bud.” Jack Morrison says with a snark and Jared feels his blood run cold.  
“I think you’ve got the wrong guy pal.” He tries to hide his face with his hair, pretending to be seriously considering which brand to buy.

Jack’s hand roughly grasps his shoulder and turns him.  
“Oh yeah? I think I’ve found exactly who I’ve been looking for.”  
Jared tries to shrug away.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“Where’s your little toy gone Jared? Know anything about that?”  
Jared shuts his mouth and snatches a box off the shelf.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He repeats, turning to walk away. “And I have somewhere to be so-“  
Clicking comes from behind him and Jared spares a glance.

He’s on his phone and Jared immediately feels sick.  
“Yeah, Mrs. Witt? I’m so sorry to bother you but-“  
Jared rushes back over and grabs his arm. “No! Don’t, Jack please don’t!” He whispers as loudly as possible and Jack smirks.  
“I forgot to send the finished ad I made on Thursday for the marketing department. I hope it wouldn’t be much trouble to send it in tonight?... Wonderful. Thank you,”

He hangs up, smugly looking down at him.  
“Now-“  
“Jared!” Evan calls and then he stops in front of the aisle, Jared grasping what probably seems like a total stranger. “What are you doing?”  
Jack smirks and harshly grabs Jared’s hand, slipping a piece of paper into it.  
“Do everything I say and no one will know about your little stowaway.”  
Jared nods and stuffs it into his pocket.  
“Who was that?” Evan asks cautiously.  
“I’ll tell you later.” Jared says softly, feeling a little out of it.

Jack could tell everyone, everything. Alana, Evan, and Zoe would go behind bars. Connor would be scrapped. Jared would be killed.  
He couldn’t handle the thought of dragging them all down with him.

So he says nothing. He tells Evan it was just some creepy flirt that gave him his phone number and Evan believes it.  
He has no reason not to believe.

[01010100 01110010 01100001 01110101 01101101 01100001]

That night, Evan, Alana, Jared, and Zoe wake up to high pitched screaming. Jared rushes downstairs and notices Connor on the floor, screaming as loud as he possibly can, holding his head.  
Jared hurries over and gently rests his hand on Connor’s cool back. The android jolts and screams louder, his fingers clawing his hair.

“IT HURTS! FUCK IT HURTS JARED PLEASE!-“ Connor’s cut off by another wave of violent pain.  
Jared grabs him and wraps him up in his arms. He didn’t know what to do other than hold him.  
“It’s gonna be okay I promise I know it hurts right now but you’re going to be fine,”  
Connor starts to sob desperately, his hands fisting in his hair.  
“Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!”

Jared holds him until he quiets, his whole body shaking violently.  
“Are you okay?” Jared asks and Connor lets out a pained whimper.  
“What the fuck happened to me?” He asks, seemingly breathless.  
“I didn’t even think about it Connor I’m so sorry, I didn’t think about how overwhelming it’d be, fuck I’m so sorry.”  
Connor’s fingers grip the hem of Jared’s shirt.  
“Hold me.” He says softly and Jared lifts him all the way into his lap, Connor’s legs awkwardly folding to fit.  
“Always.” Jared responds softly.

[01001101 01110101 01110010 01100100 01100101 01110010]

After that night Connor’s in a daze, not really responding to much. Jared suspects that he’s trying to recover from the gravity of the situation. Sometimes he clutches his forehead and groans softly, before turning back to whatever he was doing.

While Connor’s helping Alana unload the dishwasher, he drops a glass to the floor and it shatters loudly.  
“Connor?” Alana touches his shoulder blade and Connor jolts, grabbing a knife and pointing it toward her.  
“Connor!”  
Connor looks down at himself and drops the knife. His hand starts to shake violently.

“I’m sorry, fuck I’m sorry-“


	12. You Did This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this was late! School’s getting more intense and I’m drowning already :’)  
> Chapter 13 should update like normal oof 
> 
> TW:  
> Mentions of Rape  
> Panic Attack  
> Suicidal Thoughts/Self Deprecating Thoughts  
> Graphic Depictions of Violence
> 
> Please don’t read this if any of the warnings trigger you even a little bit. Message me and I’ll send a description of what happened :)

Connor drops to his knees and the violent image of the man coming toward him with a knife flashes in his mind again.  
“I’m sorry, Alana I didn’t mean to!” Connor starts to sob, curling inward. He hadn’t meant to threaten her like that, she touched him and he felt like he was back at home that night, the man coming closer until he plunged the blade into his arms.

Connor died alone in the kitchen, too dizzy to call for help and too weak to reach for the phone. The man who killed him was tall with an unshaved face and he had brown hair and piercing yellow green eyes. The man had stared at Connor in the face the whole time until he went all the way down.  
Connor remembers the glass from his broken cup stabbing him in the legs, making him feel complete agony until he faded away.

There was nothing. Connor knew that now. There was nothing in the beyond and for a long time he fought to think and hear and see and smell and touch. But he never could all the way. Sometimes he’d hear Jared’s smooth raspy voice broken up with tears, talking about everything and nothing. He’d see a glimpse of the man he loved hugging his pillow and crying his eyes out, he’d feel Jared’s fingers against his gravestone, and he’d smell Jared making toast in the morning.

Connor tried to reach out, move something, say something, do anything at all, but as hard as he tried he couldn’t get to him. Connor wondered if that was going to be his forever before he felt like he was being violently tugged somewhere else.

And then a few days later he woke up.  
Who killed him? Why did he do it? Connor didn’t recognize him, and Connor couldn’t figure out if he had pissed him off as he fell. The man didn’t even let Connor know who he was in his dying moments. That’s how angry and bitter this person was.

“I’m so sorry Alana please forgive me, I’d never hurt you,”  
Alana’s arms wrap around him, and she’s on the floor with him, shushing Connor every time he cries out.  
“I know, I know you’d never hurt me, it’s okay Connor,”  
“Fuck I thought it was him,” Connor says with a weak voice and Alana stills.  
“You thought it was who?”  
“Him. The person who killed me. I thought...” Connor pauses until Alana looks at him. “I thought he was back to finish the job.”

Alana rubs his back and holds him tight.  
“He’s never getting near you again okay? Jared, Evan, Zoe, and I are never letting that happen to you ever again.”  
Connor hears strong determination in her voice, a promise.  
“Okay,” Connor whispers and Alana helps him to his feet.  
“Why don’t you go sit on the couch? I can clean this up.”  
Connor nods shakily, and she gently pats his shoulder. She makes sure that Connor can see her before she moves and Connor’s grateful for that.

“I’ll go get Jared for you okay?” Alana says softly and Connor wraps his arms around himself.  
“Okay,” Connor repeats, his voice sounding rough and echoey.   
A few minutes later Jared rushes in and picks Connor up off the couch, pulling him into his lap.  
“I’m so sorry, I never wanted you to remember that, it must’ve been terrifying,” Jared whispers into Connor’s hair, his arms wrapped securely around the tall android.

“He’s never hurting you again okay? I’m never letting you go ever again.” Connor feels water- no, _tears_ fall onto his shoulder and Connor squeezes Jared weakly.   
Connor doesn’t feel like speaking. He’s terrified of what might come out of his mouth.

[01000010 01100001 01100011 01101011]

Connor is, or was anyway, a bit obsessive and paranoid about certain things. When he was alive and younger, it was mostly paranoia that everyone was talking about him or conspiring against him. Now he’s paranoid that he’ll die again.

He’s afraid that once he relaxes and let his guard down, his mystery murderer will come back and destroy the symbol in his head. Jared screwed a plastic box over it, assuring that nothing bad would happen to it, but he did warn Connor that if it was altered even a little bit, Connor would be torn from the metal body. Permanently.

Jared started talking about possible fake skin to make him look more human, but Connor wasn’t listening. He couldn’t possibly.

Anyone could shut him down and wipe him out. It only took a little soap and water and Connor was gone for good.  
He begs Jared to waterproof around it, and naturally, Jared does without any hesitation. Connor knows he’s still guilty, but he can’t really focus on being mad at him when he’s more preoccupied with possibly dying a second time.

And when he’s not panicking about that, he’s trying to pick apart the memory he had for who did it. He explains the man to Zoe and she says she doesn’t know anyone who looks like that. He thought it could’ve been someone from his childhood, but then immediately smacks himself. Obviously he would’ve recognized someone from his past. 

Or... would he?

fuck his head hurt like a bitch.

[01000010 01100101 01110100 01110010 01100001 01111001 01100001 01101100]

Along with being trapped in his room suffering panic attacks, he notices Jared is acting... odd. Leaving late at night. Coming home early in the morning. Texting frequently on his new phone.

Connor is suspicious obviously, he‘s already kind of stirred up over emotional episodes and flashing memories, so Jared’s personality change is the icing on the cake.

_Maybe he changed when you left him. Maybe he’s acting weird because he hates you._

No, Jared is my fiancé. He doesn’t hate me.

_Was your fiancé._

Connor’s head pounds. No, he still loves me. He tells me that all the time.

_He can’t stand being around you, you’re disgusting-_

STOP IT!

_You’re a disgusting emotional mess trapped in a tin can, he doesn’t want you anymore. You’re ugly and broken on the outside and the inside-_

Connor’s fist plunges into the plaster on the wall with a loud crack. Pain shoots up his arm and the thoughts quiet for a moment.

Everything is quiet.

And then Connor notices a similar hole in the plaster beside the headboard of the bed. Then he sees the mirror, glass trailing from the floor to where Connor’s standing. The room looks like a violent hurricane swept through it, desks are scuffed and bent, chairs across the room, the bed spread ripped at the corners.

Connor stares at his hands, the metal worn at the knuckles.

_You did this._

[01001100 01101111 01111001 01100001 01101100 01110100 01111001]

Jared worried for Connor on a daily basis. If he’s not worried about his trauma, it’s his BPD, if it’s not his BPD, then it’s their relationship.

However, through all this constant anxiety over Connor, Jared never had to worry about his physical state.

Connor stopped most self destructive behavior in college, and Jared had almost forgotten Connor used to destroy himself almost every night.

The whole house wakes to crashing and angered screaming. Jared goes to check Alana’s room, then they check the Hansens. Once they get there, Evan’s consoling Zoe who’s having a panic attack/nervous breakdown. She’s tugging her hair and sobbing, gasping for breath whenever another crash comes from the room down the hall. Evan explains softly that Connor doing this is probably bringing back some bad memories from their teen years.

Jared goes to leave to check on Connor when Zoe races up and grabs his arm desperately.  
“Don’t.” She says softly, eyes filled with slowly spilling tears. “He doesn’t know-“  
She cuts herself off with a sob, releasing Jared when the brunette lets go of the door handle.

They wait it out. The crashing and the yelling persists for a while, until it stops suddenly. The house is deathly silent, and then they hear the hollow sob sounds that Connor’s body echoes.

Jared throws the door open and carefully walks down the hall, trying not to make too much noise.

Connor’s sobs cut off and Jared opens his bedroom door. The room, for lack of better words, is a complete disaster.

Jared crosses the floor slowly, avoiding the broken glass. He gets down on his knees and gently sets his hand on Connor’s shoulder.  
“What’s wrong baby?” Jared asks softly, Connor’s body shuddering beneath Jared’s hand.  
“I’m sorry.” Connor’s voice cracks horribly, his fingers digging into the carpet weakly. “I’m so so sorry.” Connor says with another dry sob, his voice shaking with every letter.

Jared gently brings him closer.  
“Can I hug you Connie?” Jared hadn’t used pet names with him for years. Baby and Connie fell from his mouth naturally as he consoled him, as if Connor never left in the first place.  
Connor nods, his eyes squeezing shut tightly before opening and not even seeming to blink. He doesn’t seem to be moving much either.

Jared wraps him in a hug, making sure to speak to him softly in his ear.  
“It’s okay Connor, you’re safe and I got you.” Jared whispers, turning his head slightly to kiss his cheek.   
Connor whimpers, moving his hands up to Jared’s shirt. He fists his hands in the fabric and Jared looks down, gently taking his hand.  
“You wore them down huh?” Jared whispers softly, running his thumb over his scratched, dented knuckles.  
Connor nods silently, a clear look of guilt plastered across his face.

“Hey It’s okay Con,” Jared brings Connor’s hand up and gently kisses the worn parts, still rubbing the back of Connor’s hand with his thumb. “It doesn’t matter that you wore them down a bit, I can always help put you back together.”  
Connor hiccups and Jared brings him in for another hug, rubbing his back with his other arm.  
“It’s gonna be okay Connor, I got you,” Jared whispers again and Connor nods weakly again, his hand trailing up to Jared’s cheek.

Connor pulls away, looking at him silently. Jared stares back in confusion and then Connor’s leaning closer, putting his knees on the outside of Jared’s legs.  
Though Connor and Jared had kissed too many times to count, when Connor connects their lips, it feels like they’re having their first kiss all over again.

[01000110 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100]

Jared walks into the dirty musty alley the next night, clutching his phone tightly like a life line. Jack Morrison texted to be here at midnight tonight, and Jared was terrified of what he was going to do.

Jack had threatened multiple things, asking for bribery for his silence, telling Jared that he’d personally crush Connor up and make him watch, forcing him to agree to whatever he wanted. The main thing he loved to ‘promise’ though, was that he’d take his virginity.  
He asked a series of uncomfortable questions before settling on telling Jared that he’d fuck him until he cried.

And Jared was almost 100% certain tonight was the night he was ‘going to make good on his promises.’

[01010100 01110111 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01000100 01101001 01110011 01110100 01110101 01110010 01100010 01100101 01100100]

Connor was certain something was up with Jared, and he wasn’t going to stop until he found out.


	13. People are Fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan, Zoe, and Alana had packed up the entire house, making sure to leave absolutely no evidence of them being there. Alana and Zoe had patched up the back bedroom two days prior, so leaving was fairly easy. And Alana leaves no stone unturned when it comes to a task.

Connor follows Jared through the streets, watching him glance in all directions periodically. He’s got his phone in a vice like grip in his right hand, holding it in front of his chest. 

Jared looks paranoid and Connor doesn’t remember ever seeing him like this.   
_Maybe you’re malfunctioning. You’re still a machine after all._

Connor’s thoughts are cut short by Jared darting into an alley, staring down at his phone. Connor’s heart sinks to his stomach.

Was he meeting someone here?

_His reassurances were lies. He doesn’t love you._

Connor wants to take his frustration out on the brick wall. Maybe Jared was right, maybe it was better when he was oblivious and disconnected.

_He was trying to shut you up for good._

Connor reaches a hand up and tugs the ends of his hair. He just wished that he could escape the hell that his mind was for once. Just one more day where he could be normal.

_You’re better like this. Jared can’t control you anymore._

A scream cuts Connor’s train of thought off again and the android runs into the alley.  
Jared is being held against the wall by someone, his hand around Jared’s neck. Jared’s legs are high above the ground, kicking at the man desperately.

Another choked scream comes from his throat and Connor runs forward and pulls his fist back. He hears something crack when it comes into contact with the man’s face, Jared falling as the man’s grip is loosened. 

The man goes down but Connor doesn’t stop. He punches him again and hears a small pained noise. The man tries to cover it up by getting up on his elbow, wiping the blood from his nose with a clenched fist.  
“You’re dead Kleinman.” The man growls and Connor stops short.

His voice.

Yellow green eyes look up at him and Connor freezes completely, his legs shaking. Jared is coughing on the floor, trying to talk to him and get his attention.

“Oh wow.”  
The man gets up, looking down on Connor.  
“He brought his broken little sex toy with him? How cute.”  
He grabs Connor’s arm and twists it, throwing Connor to the wall harshly.  
Jared tries to get up when Connor cries out pitifully.  
“I could kill both of you so easily.” The man says, who Connor now remembers from the first day he woke in this body.

He’d tried to scan his ID and it probably didn’t work because the past would’ve been blocked in Connor’s head.

“Now,” He says, bringing his shoe up to press on Jared’s ribcage, knocking him back down. “Listen carefully. If you want to live, you’re going to do everything I say.”  
Jared coughs and blood splatters his lip.  
Connor clenches his fists and grabs the man’s leg, tightening his grip and pulling him forward until he hears something snap.  
“You fucking whore-!” He shouts, trying to swing at Connor. Connor punches him hard in the other knee and gets up, tying his hair out of his face with a hair tie Alana gave him.

Connor lifts his arms up and glares him. The man seems relatively crippled already.  
“Oh man, you think you’re really going to get away aren’t you?” He says with a dark chuckle. “Nothing stops me from getting what I want-“

Connor stops him from monologuing by shoving his fist into his jaw. Really, he needed to shut up.  
“You’re an annoying piece of shit.” Connor grits out, aiming another punch to his chest. Connor had advantage here. No matter where he was hit Jared would always fix him after.

Human beings are fragile.

Connor spares a glance at Jared, who’s curled into the fetal position. His prosthetic seems to be half off and he’s still coughing up a little blood.

_Very fragile._

Connor turns back and hits him extra hard for what he did to Jared. He hears something else crack and smiles evilly.  
The man finally lifts his arm in defense, denting Connor’s knuckles inward.

Connor’s about to swing again when he feels himself getting pulled away by his hand. Connor swiftly turns and Jared pulls him out of the alley, limping a little as he runs.

Connor tries to stop him, wanting to finish the job, but Jared is persistent and drags him down the street to hide behind a dumpster.  
Jared fumbles to pull his phone out, his hands cold and clammy against Connor’s.  
Connor gently reaches forward and takes the phone from him.  
“Who do you want me to call?” Connor asks and Jared nips his bottom lip a little too hard.  
“E-Evan- call Evan-“  
Connor notices he’s shaking violently and pulls him tight into his side, tapping the keys with one hand.  
Nothing happens and Connor blinks, tapping a little harder. Why isn’t this working? The tablet in his room worked just fine. The screen splinters in one corner and Connor looks up at him.  
“I can’t... the screen doesn’t register my hand.” Connor chuckles awkwardly, trying to be apologetic.  
Jared taps it in slowly, having to backspace a couple times when he inputs the wrong number.

It only rings three times before Evan picks up, seemingly uncomfortable over talking on the phone. Oh yeah... Connor thinks he remembers. Evan has anxiety. Had? No, mental illness doesn’t go away. But he does seem to be ‘better’?

“There was a guy threatening us. We’re both hurt and I think we need to leave.”  
“Leave?” Evan’s voice is muffled. “Leave the house?”  
Connor looks to Jared and the smaller boy nods with a shiver.  
“Yeah.” Connor says weakly, sliding his arm around Jared’s waist.

“Oh.” Evan pauses, something clicking. Maybe he’s biting his nails? “Now?”  
“As soon as possible would probably be best.”  
Evan sighs and Connor can hear something click again.  
“I’ll get the car ready to pick you and Jared up. When do you need me to get you?”  
“Now.” Connor answers bluntly and Evan mumbles a soft okay, hanging up.

Connor hugs Jared closer, wrapping his arms completely around the smaller boy.  
Jared’s hiccuping a little bit, his hands still shaking as they climb up Connor’s back to grip his jacket. Connor takes a closer look at his fiancé and rethinks his earlier thought.

Jared wasn’t a boy anymore. His shoulders were broader, his chest wider, and his stomach and thighs a little thicker than the last time Connor saw him. The last time being three years ago. When Connor was alive, Jared had hardly any leg or arm hair, and now he had stubble on his cheeks and chin. He could probably grow a beard if he wanted to. His eyes are tired, almost drained of youth even though he is only 32 years old. Jared’s hands are wider too, fitting a little snugger between Connor’s fingers than they used to.

He’d grown up. And he’ll keep growing.

Connor looks down at his white metal hand entwined with Jared’s.

Connor would be the same until the end of time, and something about no inevitable end made life suddenly very frightening.

Jared clutches to him tighter, looking up at Connor, their eyes meeting. He tries to say something and then dissolves into tears, his forehead bumping the heart shaped window on Connor’s chest. Connor snaps to attention and rubs his back in circles as gently as he can, trying to soothe his fiancé as best he can.

A few minutes pass before Evan’s headlights shine on them in the alley, Zoe helping Jared up and Alana checking Connor for cuts or scuff marks.  
Connor almost forgot she worked with machinery longer than Jared had because she immediately lists all his problems and explains that she’ll fix them at the next stop.

Evan, Zoe, and Alana had packed up the entire house, making sure to leave absolutely no evidence of them being there. Alana and Zoe had patched up the back bedroom two days prior, so leaving was fairly easy. And Alana leaves no stone unturned when it comes to a task.

“- and I can sand this down.” Alana says softly beneath her breath, running her fingers lightly over a protruding metal spike on Connor’s arm.  
“Really?” Connor asks and Alana nods quietly.  
“You should be fine in no time.”  
“Thank you...” Connor says softly, feeling Zoe’s hands on him, pushing his shoulder lightly.  
“Get in the car please.” She says in annoyance and Connor climbs in awkwardly, shuffling as close as he can to Jared without hurting him. Jared’s ribs are definitely bruised and his leg is bleeding slightly due to the prosthetic pressing too hard in their haste to get away.

Connor hadn’t looked back, and he hopes the person stayed on the floor of the musty alley where he left him.  
He still doesn’t remember the man’s name. Jason? Mack? It was something starting with a J or an M, he was sure of it.

Connor crinkles his nose. He couldn’t care less anyway. It’s worse to put a name to an abusive person. Without a name Connor can easily treat him like an object in his head, making him not seem like a real threat.

_Oh but he is. He’ll find you again. He’ll hurt you again. Nothing will stop him._

Connor rubs his knuckles, sliding his thumbs between the scuff marks.  
The periodic action only soothes him a little bit and then Connor remembers all the rings and the yo-yo he used to stim with. Did Jared keep them? If he did where would they be?

Wait... _Where in God’s name is his stuffed giraffe?_

“Jared!” Connor blurts and everyone in the car looks back at him in shock, because Evan has to pull over anxiously.  
“What? What’s wrong!”  
Jared turns to Connor in alarm, and the android blushes.  
“I... don’t know where my giraffe is.”  
There’s a long beat of silence and then Zoe slams her forehead on the dashboard.  
“Fuck sake Connor!”  
 _”That’s what you freaked out about?!”_ Evan screeches, fingers tightening around the wheel. “Don’t do that! I’m fucking driving here!”

Evan immediately turns scarlet, bringing his hands down to wipe the sweat on his pants.  
“...sorry.” Connor murmurs softly, feeling mortified for shouting.  
“Uh... it’s fine.” Evan says with a strained voice, starting the car up again. “If we want to get to The Motel before dawn we have to keep driving.”

Evan stresses The Motel in a weird way and it makes Connor’s head spiral a little. He’s sure if he was still alive his stomach would be twisting violently.  
“...your giraffe is in your bag in the back. I didn’t unpack it when we stopped at the house so...” Jared mumbles softly beneath his breath.  
“Oh...” Connor wants to reach for his hand again, but stays put instead. “Thank you.”

Why are they awkward? What happened? Jared still loves him, right? Connor must’ve screwed up too much. Maybe this was the last straw.

“I’m sorry.” Connor says, thumbing at the car seat.  
“It’s okay...” Jared mumbles again, his eyes looking off into the distance.

“Would you losers just hug and make up? This is painful to watch.” Zoe says sarcastically, taking a sip of her water.  
Alana and Evan both nod in agreement.  
“It’s not like you punched him in the eye Connor.” Alana says, nudging him in the side.

Connor hesitantly lifts his arms and is almost thrown backward when Jared tackles him, his arms squeezing his waist tightly.  
“I’m sorry, sometimes I’m too stuck in my own head.”   
Jared shushes him and snuggles into his neck, making a short pained noise when his ribs shift.  
“Be careful J.” Connor hums, bringing a hand up to run through Jared’s hair.

Fuck, every time he sees Jared he feels like he falls in love all over again.


	14. The Motel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s that?” Connor asks, shifting a bit to accommodate for the loss of Evan’s weight.  
> “‘S a place to hide out. Nothing special.” Evan says with a shrug.

Jared is getting sick of all this driving, and he’s sure Connor is too. Sometime during the drive, his ribs started to ache, so Jared turned over in Connor’s lap, trying to breathe as shallowly as possible.

“How much longer?” Zoe asks, Alana at the wheel. Evan is pressed against Connor’s shoulder, snoring lightly.   
“According to the directions on Evan’s phone, we should be there in another hour.”  
Jared hums softly, cuddling further into Connor’s jacket. He has one of Jared’s sweaters on and he borrowed a pair of Evan’s sweatpants because his legs felt weird in skinny jeans.

Jared still couldn’t believe Zoe and Evan just abandoned their lives for him. To be fair, the Murphy’s never kept up with Zoe much and Heidi was never around so it’s not like they had any loose ends family wise. The fact that they dropped their home, their jobs, and overall their life together for Jared and Connor... it’s crazy. 

“What’s happening,” Evan mumbles against Connor’s back, yawning a little bit.  
“Nothing really. Where are we going?” Alana asks and Evan sits up, rubbing his eyes.   
“The Motel.” He says with another yawn, tearing up a little. He wipes his eyes again and pulls away from Connor’s back.

“What’s that?” Connor asks, shifting a bit to accommodate for the loss of Evan’s weight.  
“‘S a place to hide out. Nothing special.” Evan says with a shrug and Zoe turns around in her chair with a glare.  
“And where exactly did you learn about this place Evan?”  
The blond picks at his fingers, pulling a hangnail with a guilty look.  
“Uh... Remember when I went to CCI for three months?”

Zoe narrows her eyes while Alana, Connor, and Jared stay completely silent in confusion. C...C...I?  
“You mean when you were arrested for assault and disturbing the peace?”  
Alana’s foot taps the break in her shock and Evan almost head butts the back of Zoe’s seat.  
“P-perhaps...” Evan mumbles, picking at his nails more urgently.

 _”You were arrested?”_ Connor says, staring at Evan with half pride and half disbelief. “Why didn’t I hear about this?”  
Evan coughs awkwardly, wiping his hands on the hem of his shirt.  
“You were um... not here.”  
Connor pauses and the car fills with tense silence.

“Oh.”

Evan bites his lip, pulling at the dry skin.  
“A-anyway, I um, I was at the Correctional Institution-“ 

“Jail.” Zoe corrects and Evan cuts himself off, swallowing hard.

“Right, um, while I was there I heard about this place called The Motel. L-long st-story short, I stupidly asked the wrong guy. But I got the location so.” Evan trails off slowly, looking down at his shoes. Jared swears he can see sweat on his neck.  
“At least it’s coming in handy now...” He murmurs.  
Zoe makes direct eye contact with him and Evan goes paler than a sheet of paper.  
“We’re not done talking about this Mr. Hansen.” She says with a hint of anger and Evan nods shakily, his hands dropping to his lap.

Jared figures he’d probably be mad if Connor had been arrested and mixed up with the extreme criminal type. But part of what Evan said had been concerning... Jared would have to revisit this later.  
Alana clears her throat.

“So you want to take over the wheel?”

[01010011 01100101 01110110 01100101 01101110 01110100 01100101 01100101 01101110 00111111]

They arrive at a dimly lit motel in the middle of the desert somewhere between Idaho and Montana early in the morning. The sunrise that’s just barely peeking over the horizon, lights the desolate building golden.

“This doesn’t look like it’s teeming with criminal activity Evan.” Alana comments looking over the cracked stone and wood with a blank face. She doesn’t seem too impressed.  
“That’s because... well, it’s not. It’s a hide out but it isn’t like... a center for gangs or murderers. It’s for people who laundered money and committed larceny.”

Jared gets up as slowly as he can, each breath making his ribs ache and stab him. Jared tries to get out of the car himself but he feels gentle hands on his back and side, supporting his bruises.  
Connor’s hands keep up the pressure, wrapping around him with one arm and opening the car door with the other. Then Connor lets Jared lean on him, holding his hand firmly, but not too hard so Jared can let go if he wants. 

Of course Jared doesn’t. He needs the support and the comfort. Evan Hansen, his childhood friend and best friend admitted to going to jail, learning some questionable things, and he drove them to some abandoned motel in the middle of nowhere.  
Let’s just say it’s not like he’s in his comfort zone.

Evan knocks the door and there’s a long stretch of silence after. The door flies open and a gun is pointed directly at Evan’s face.  
Jared, Alana, and Zoe all internally start to panic. Connor and Evan look somewhat calm and unfazed.  
“Greetings and Salutations.” A man with curly black hair and a bleached trench coat has his finger on the trigger. The safety clicks off.  
“We need to stay.” Evan says firmly and the man blinks.  
 _”Evan fucking Hansen?”_ He says in disbelief, slowly lowering the gun.  
“Yeah.”  
“Why the fuck are you here? Did you punch another cop in the jaw? I told you kid-“  
“Jason we’ve been over this! You’re three years older than me you can’t call me kid-“

Evan and ‘Jason’ go back and forth while Jared, Connor, Alana, and Zoe wait in silence.

“Evan.” Zoe interrupts, a hand coming up to rest on his shoulder. It would’ve looked innocent if it wasn’t for the obvious tight grip. Evan’s not getting away. “How do you know this guy?”  
She squeezes and Evan bites back a wince.

“Um, this is Jason Sawyer. He was the person I met in CCI.” Evan explains slowly, his shoulder twitching. Zoe lets up on the pressure.  
“You mean the one that kicked the shit out of you?” Jared asks in shock. How could someone be friendly with someone who beat them up? To his surprise, Evan and Jason start to laugh.

“What?” Evan asks and chuckles, “He didn’t beat me up!”   
Jason leans on the doorframe with a smile.  
“I would never do that to the Lorax. Who else would speak for the trees?”   
Evan rolls his eyes, “He wouldn’t leave me alone after I asked him what this was.” Evan wipes his hands on his pants. “The only bad thing he did in jail was punch people who looked at him weirdly.”  
“In my defense, I heard what that skinny little twink said about me.”  
Evan sighs, as if this is something they’ve argued over a dozen times.

“Okay, whatever, you’re right, will you let us in already? Connor needs maintenance.”  
Jason blinks awkwardly, leaning up off the door frame.  
“Holy shit you have an android? How did you get your hands on something so expensive?”  
Connor frowns and squeezes Jared’s hand.

“It’s part of why we’re here.” Evan replies and Jason hums, leaning out of the way to let them in.  
“Do you need help with your bags? You look like you brought your whole fucking house with you.”

[01000010 01101111 01101110 01101110 01101001 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01000011 01101100 01111001 01100100 01100101]

Jason helps them unpack and Connor watches awkwardly as him and Evan chat and giggle. Connor feels stupid for being jealous, but Evan was supposed to be _his_ friend. And the fact that Evan met him while Connor was gone?

Ew.

He pouts to himself by Jared when Evan laughs again and Jared gently taps his hand.  
“What’s wrong?” He says softly, breathing as shallowly as possible. Connor takes his hand and kisses it, mentally apologizing for his weird metal mouth.  
“Nothing.” He tries to smile convincingly, “I’m fine Jare.”

Jared smiles back shakily, like he doesn’t believe that Connor’s okay.  
Jason snaps and Connor looks up.  
“Are you two coming in or what? You look like someone dropped you in the garbage disposal.”  
Connor’s face heats and he really wishes he had his rings.  
“Yeah whatever.”  
Connor brushes past him, holding Jared a nice distance away from him.

“What’s his problem?”

Connor picks up on Jason’s voice and Evan’s muffled response. He pushes into the motel aggressively and Jared whimpers softly.

Connor looks down and immediately pulls away when he sees the bruise on his fiancés hand.  
“Fuck, Jared I’m-“  
Jared pulls his hand back with a shaky smile.  
“It’s okay.” He says weakly and cradles his hand against his chest, keeping a few feet between them.  
Connor shuffles away and finds the living room, where a brunette is sitting on the broken couch writing something.

Connor awkwardly knocks on the door frame and she blinks, looking up at him.  
“Oh, you must be Connor.”  
He nods silently and she gets up, outstretching her hand.  
“Veronica Sawyer.” She offers with a sunny smile and Connor takes it, shaking it curiously. Her hand was way smaller than Jared’s.

He feels her other hand turn his over and he looks at her to see her eyes sparkling.  
“Is this stainless steel?”  
Connor shrugs, feeling a little uncomfortable.  
“I think so. I wouldn’t know.”  
She frowns.  
“Wouldn’t you? You do have an inventory don’t you?”

Connor wants to take his hand back.  
“I’m... a different type of model. Only Jared has access to my files.”  
She nods, but her eyes have suspicion in them. She hums, and then lets him go.  
“The rooms are on the second floor.”   
Connor awkwardly loiters, looking for stairs and not finding any.

Veronica points to the door.  
“The stairs are outside. You and Jared will probably be in the room farthest from the staircase considering they’ll be looking for you.”

Connor feels like he swallowed a rock. How did she know?  
“Oh. Okay.”

He walks outside and Jason is smoking a cigarette aggressively, his hand tight around a cup.  
The inside looks bright blue but Connor can’t make it out.

Connor leaves him be and heads up to the second floor, opening the door at the end of the platform.

Jared and Alana are sitting on the bed and Alana’s wrapping Jared’s hands. Jared has thick bandage around his chest, and Connor can see purple and yellow skin beneath it.  
“It doesn’t look broken but-“

Connor accidentally shuts the door and they both look up at him in shock.  
“Oh, it’s just you.” Alana says softly, going back to wrapping Jared up.  
“Yeah...”

Connor runs his fingers over his arms, feeling a patch of metal that’s chipped.  
“Could you um... help me too?”  
Alana nods, patting the bed.  
“Don’t be shy. We ran from the law together, remember? Can’t get any closer than that.”   
Connor chuckles softly at the joke and smiles to himself.

“I... guess you’re right.”

Alana spends hours fixing them up, not even taking a break for water. Jared falls asleep shortly after she bandages his leg so Connor keeps her company.

“Alana,” Connor starts and she hums in response, trying to sand a scratch off Connor’s side. “Did we ever... sit in the library freshman year?”

Alana paused and nods once hesitantly.  
Connor straightens his back.  
“C-cool.”  
She nods again, a fond smile on her face.  
“You really aren’t completely here yet huh?”  
Connor shakes his head, hating the buzzing sound in the back of his brain.  
Or skull? Metal head?

Connor frowns to himself.  
“If you ever have any questions I’ll be here to answer them.” Alana offers, pouring some polish onto a washcloth and wiping Connor down.  
“Where did Zoe and Evan work?”  
“Zoe was working for your dad and Evan went from Junior to a Full Time park ranger.”

Connor’s heart sinks.  
“How are my parents?”  
Alana bites her lip and sets the cloth down, patting Connor’s body with a paper towel.  
“Larry and Cynthia are fine but they um...”  
She bites her lip. “They didn’t take your death well. Cynthia is in intensive therapy and Larry’s in denial. Zoe used to visit weekly because Larry stopped eating.”

Connor feels sick to his stomach.  
He knew his dad cared, and that he was trying but he didn’t know what to do, but he had no idea that Larry Murphy would break down like that.

“O-oh.”  
“Yeah...”

Another tense pause and Alana gently pats his shoulder.  
“Well. I’ll see you in the morning okay? I’m in the room two doors down if you need anything.”

Alana’s foot steps are nearly silent as she steps out, waving at Connor.

The brunette lays down and cuddles up to Jared, trying to stop himself from spiraling. He felt sick, though he knew he didn’t have a stomach anymore. He supposed it was his mind trying to make up for the loss of his natural body.

Jared turns in the bed and grasps onto Connor, sighing into the taller boy’s neck.  
He mumbles something beneath his breath and Connor suddenly remembers his fiancé used to sleep talk.

Then he wonders how he could possibly forget.


	15. Decompression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana looks up from her shitty flip phone that Jared bought her on the road and crinkles her nose.  
> “Oh god, are the gays really outnumbered at this table?”  
> Jared cracks up and Connor sighs.  
> “I guess that’s just how it do be in the Wild Wild West.“

Evan wakes up to bright light coming from the blinds, and he tries to hide his face in Zoe’s neck.

Despite saying she was upset that he never told her about his time in CCI, she still cuddled him and Evan is extremely appreciative of that.

Zoe isn’t usually a cuddle person during the summer, and Evan has been touch starved since freshman year of high school, so any amount of physical comfort easily subdues him.

Zoe’s hand comes up and brushes through Evan’s hair and the blonde sighs, nuzzling closer. And she isn’t wearing a shirt, an added bonus.

“You okay?” Zoe whispers softly, and Evan hums, kissing her neck gently.  
“Yeah.” Evan says with a rough voice, clearing his throat a little. “You?”  
Zoe combs her fingers through Evan’s hair a little slower, breaking to yawn.

“Mm. These beds aren’t that bad.”

Evan can tell what she wants to say.  
They both miss their bed. It wasn’t perfect but it was theirs.  
There’s been a unspoken thing about their house too. Evan and Zoe had taken care of it, packing the essentials and leaving the rest with Heidi.  
Heidi and Cynthia promised to handle the house when they were dubbed missing, and Evan’s heart aches.

They can never go back home. He won’t see his mom again for a while.

“I expected them to be a lot more rickety and unstable.” Evan comments and Zoe nods slowly, her fingers gently twisting strands of his hair.  
Zoe chuckles suddenly, “I have to admit, it’s kinda nice not rushing off to work at 5:30 every morning.”  
Evan hums and tucks his face into her neck more.

He definitely missed lazy morning cuddles a lot more than he thought he would.  
Evan used to love his job, but him and Zoe were constantly on the move. They barely had any time to each other.  
But... no job means no money. They can’t rely on Alana or Jared.

Jared’s almost dirt poor, and Alana has loads of money that she probably didn’t bring with her.  
Maybe they’d have to ask Jason if he could slowly take their money out of the bank.  
But then again, that would be dangerous unless Jason and Veronica had a connection there. Usually they did but Evan doesn’t want to rely on that.

“I missed this.” Evan whispers, cuddling her a little more firmly, moving his hand up her waist.  
“Me too.” Zoe whispers back, her hazel eyes fluttering shut after a minute.

Evan lets her rest, trying not to breathe too hard so he doesn’t disturb her. Zoe Hansen is an extremely light sleeper, and she said it used to drive her up a wall whenever Connor would move around in the next room (or god forbid play music).  
She never used to get a full eight hours, waking at 5:00 am because Cynthia woke then, and falling asleep around 3:00 am because Connor had insomnia.

Evan prides himself on his ability to make her fall asleep like a light and be comforting enough that she never woke before her alarm.  
It’s the only thing Evan can give himself credit for.

[01010011 01101111 01101110 01101110 01100101 01110100 00100000 00110001 00110011 00110000]

Evan Hansen has made many mistakes over the course of his short 32 year old life, but currently, he considered this to be the worst one.

Evan decided he wanted to check on Jason and Veronica, who slept downstairs where the owners of the motel would’ve lived. One, he didn’t knock, Two, he wanted Zoe to come with, and Three, he didn’t listen hard enough before swinging the door open.

Jason is pinned on his stomach on the table by Veronica, who has a tight grip on a leash, attached to a black collar with spikes and the ropes around his arms.  
Evan doesn’t even look at what she’s doing below the waist and immediately averts his eyes.

“Holy shit I’m so sorry I should’ve knocked I’m just gonna-“

Evan takes Zoe’s hand and rushes back out the room. He hears Veronica say that it’s not a problem and Evan shouldn’t worry, then Jason’s sounds started up again.

“I’m sorry Zoe I didn’t know they’d be-“  
“I wanna do that.” Zoe interrupts with a dazed look on her face, her cheeks bright red.  
Evan chokes on his spit.  
“O-oh? I- you want me to...?” Evan doesn’t think he’s capable of pinning someone down.  
“No. I wanna top.” Zoe’s looking him in the eyes now and Evan’s certain his entire face is red. Evan swallows hard and nods a little bit.  
“Um okay- I- uh, Now?”  
Zoe snorts and reaches forward to take Evan’s hand.  
“You’re silly Evan Hansen.”

Evan blushes and shrugs, receiving a kiss on the cheek from his wife.  
“C’mon, I wanna go back to bed.”  
“Don’t you want to eat first?” Evan asks, squeezing her hand in his.  
Zoe pinches his cheek with a grin. “Not while you’re being so cute.”

They lay in bed for a few hours before Alana knocks on their door, asking if they wanted anything to eat.  
Apparently, a truck dropped stuff off at the motel because Jason knows a guy who’s willing to stock them up every month.

Alana explained that it wasn’t very good but then she laughed and said ‘who am i to complain.’  
Evan hadn’t seen her laugh in years. Since senior year of high school she’s never been quite the same. Maybe Jared bringing Connor back from the grave had some positives.

Evan blushes and then rethinks.  
Well, of course Connor being back is overall a positive thing. They all missed him. They were all extremely hurt by his untimely death, but Evan and Zoe had just started to live again.  
They were still remembering him, but they were no longer crippled with depression and grief.

Zoe started to work for Larry to keep an eye on him and Evan was finally promoted. Everything was going almost perfectly. The only thing missing was a kid.  
Zoe did say if they had one they’d have to name them after Connor, no matter what the gender of the baby was. Evan immediately agreed.

And then Jared showed up on their front porch and told them everything. Then Evan and Zoe gave up everything.  
Evan could tell Zoe was angry about it, but he couldn’t really bring himself to be enraged like her. It’s Connor and Jared.  
His childhood best friend and his best friend from high school that he feels like he knew a lot longer than 13 years. 

(Yes, Evan does know you can’t have two best friends, but when you go from 0 to 2 all of the sudden it makes an impact)

He’d give probably anything up for them. Except his hand in marriage because as bi as he is he loves Zoe so much he feels all warm and fuzzy and small and simultaneously on top of the world, able to do anything he sets his mind too.

Evan really was lucky to have her, and he wouldn’t trade her for the world.

Speaking of his beautiful perfect wife, she gets up out of bed again and yawns, her gorgeous eye lashes fluttering against her pale freckled cheeks.  
“Food?” She asks, her lips quirking up a little at the edges.  
Evan nods, he can’t really disagree when she’s half naked and bathed in soft golden light from behind.

“I love you.” Evan whispers and Zoe smiles, reaching forward to cup his cheeks with her hands. They’re smooth and soft and small and everything Evan’s aren’t, and he loves the contrast as he brings his hand up to hold it there.

She presses their lips together, Evan sighing when he feels her smile against his mouth. They used to be so awkward kissing, their first was an absolute disaster, but over time it’s become second nature.  
Evan rests his palm on her thigh and squeezes her hand, breaking away to breathe.  
“I love you too Ev.” Zoe whispers, her eyes half lidded and soft.

Evan honest to god swallows and is tempted to pull her down into another kiss when there’s another knock on the door.  
“Are you guys coming or not?” Alana asks and Evan pouts when Zoe pulls away.  
“Yeah be there in a minute, I just gotta put pants on.” Zoe answers, standing back up by the bed.  
Alana snorts and Evan can hear her walk off.  
“One more kiss?” He begs quietly and Zoe gently pats his cheek.  
“If we keep them waiting any longer they’ll eat everything without us.”  
Evan pouts more but nods anyway.  
“I guess...”

Zoe hums and grabs a pair of jeans from the floor, sliding them onto her legs. Evan swears she’s the most beautiful when she goes through the motions. He feels like time stops whenever she moves.

“You gonna get dressed honey?” She asks with a smirk and Evan blinks out of his stupor, nodding dumbly.  
“Uh- Yeah.”  
She chuckles at him and Evan grabs his shirt and pants off the ground, trying his best not to stare again as Zoe brushes her hair out. 

Evan frowns at the plain black T-shirt in his hands and goes through a mental check list of clothing they brought. There’s possibly a long sleeved blue sweater in the left drawer but he’s not sure.  
“Evan are you okay?” Zoe asks, fully dressed and ready while Evan was still sitting on the edge of the bed in boxers.  
“Uh... yeah. Just wondering if I took my sweater with us.”  
Zoe kisses his cheek and sits down on the bed next to him.  
“You mean the one you use to hide your stomach?”  
Evan flushes at being so blatantly called out and he shrugs.

“You don’t need to hide.” She says gently, her hand resting on his thigh. “No one’s going to judge you or stare at you okay? C’mon, Jared gloats about his muffin top whenever anyone gives him the chance.”

Evan clutches the shirt closer to his chest and hums softly, twisting the fabric gently between his fingers.  
“It’ll be okay.” Zoe punctuates her sentence with another kiss and pats his thigh.  
“I’ll be in the bathroom, we can leave whenever you want.”

Evan pulls the shirt over his head once Zoe’s in the bathroom and pinches the fabric, trying to get it over his stomach.  
It doesn’t really work but he takes a deep breath and pinches himself in the middle of his palm and then he’s a little calmer.

Pants are easy, and by the time Zoe’s out he’s ready to go downstairs properly.  
He prays to God that Jason and Veronica have a little bit of shame.

And God doesn’t exist because Jason is still wearing the collar, sitting at the same table he just got fucked on, shirtless, eating cereal with blue smudged lip stick all over his shoulders and neck.

“Hey guys.” Jason smirks and Veronica rolls her eyes.  
“Baby you have some on your face.”  
Veronica wipes his cheek with a napkin and Jason smiles, going for a kiss.  
“Love you Ronniieeee,” He purrs and Veronica smiles back, giving him a kiss.  
“Gross boy.” She teases and Jason sticks his tongue out at her.

“Booooo,” Jared gives them a thumb down and grabs Connor’s hand.  
“Get outta here with your Heterosexuality.” Jared says and tries to kiss Connor, who moves out of the way with a small smile.

Evan blushes. He’s really happy they made up over yesterday, something seemed off with Connor. Evan liked seeing them happy, it makes him feel warm and soft.

Evan sits at the table awkwardly and glares at Jason, who grins at him smugly again.  
“What, jealous?”  
His face burns and Jason starts to chuckle at his expense when Veronica sits down.  
“C’mon J, be nice to the kid. He’s so small and defenseless.”

Evan only blushes more and hears Zoe giggle from beside him, leaning in to take his hand and to peck his cheek gently.  
Alana looks up from her shitty flip phone that Jared bought her on the road and crinkles her nose.

“Oh god, are the gays really outnumbered at this table?”

Jared cracks up and Connor sighs.  
“I guess that’s just how it do be in the Wild Wild West.”  
“We’re not west Connor and we’re in a motel, that’s the farthest thing from wild.” Alana corrects and Connor pouts.  
“The one time I decide to make a joke and you ruin it.”  
“How very dare.” Jared adds and Alana rolls her eyes.

Evan feels warm and light and realizes this is the first time he hasn’t been stretched too thin during this trip. Maybe a life of crime is the life for him. Evan frowns at his own thoughts.

_That was too cheesy and tacky, even for you Evan Hansen_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHH IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE— I have to take the PSAT and I’m kinda stressin abt it hhhh :c


	16. Sudden Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cyzr6XjWgAAOXvo.jpg
> 
> —
> 
> “You got excited over him touching your back?”  
>  _GAY!_ Connor signs with quick fingers and Jared sighs.  
>  “Yes I know you’re gay but men touching you doesn’t give you an automatic boner.”

Alana’s never really been the type of person to sleep a full eight hours. She’s always functioned on overdrive since she was little, pulling all nighters, functioning on overdrive through the day, crashing once the weekend hits.

This week, she’s completely pushed the limits of how long she can go before a crash. Alana hasn’t slept for longer than 15 minutes, her eyes wanting to close desperately, when she sees something.

She has been pouring over Connor’s case, trying to figure out what exactly went down, for Connor’s sake. If he knew the truth he’d be more stable. He’s been electrocuting people and shutting down and having complete breakdowns and she can’t handle seeing him like this anymore, not when she can do something about it.

All Alana wants to do is help.

She picks up the picture of the bloodied kitchen, Connor’s corpse long gone from the scene. There’s a blurry image of a person in the corner, peeking through the window. Alana scans it and after editing and zooming in and scanning it for hours, she gets a basic shape of the person, and their hair color.

Taking that down, she moves on to the next picture.

Slowly a person builds, and when it’s complete, Alana hates what she sees. How could she have been so blind? It’s been right in front of her face the whole time.

[01011001 01100101 01100101]

Alana compiles everything into a file and knocks on Connor and Jared’s door.  
She isn’t aware of the time, but it doesn’t matter. This is important enough to wake them.

Alana knocks harder and no one comes to answer.  
“Guys!”

There’s a thump from inside and they open the door. Jared and Connor both have extremely messy hair, their clothes all rumpled. Jared’s eyes are basically shut and he pulls his glasses on with a small yawn. Connor’s lights are dimmed and he stares blankly at Alana, like he’s booting up.

“What’s the problem?” Jared asks sleepily, leaning on Connor’s side.  
Alana holds the file closely to her chest and she bites her lip.  
“I need to show you something. And you need to promise not to freak out.”  
Connor narrows his eyes and fiddles with a curly strand of hair behind his ear.  
“Can’t we just look at it together in the morning? It’s two am.”

Alana looks down at her watch and blinks.  
“Ah. So it is.” She clears her throat and tucks the file back down. “Would that work better?”

Connor nods slightly and rubs his face, metal clinking against metal softly.  
“Sorry for bothering...” Alana mumbles and Connor waves her off with a lopsided smile.  
“See you in a few hours.” 

[01000111 01100001 01111001]

Connor and Jared sit down at the table across from Alana, even more exhausted than they were at two am.  
“So... what was so important that you woke us up.” Connor asks dryly, fiddling with his hair again. Alana makes a mental note to find something for him to stim with.

Maybe rings? He used to wear rings and bracelets a lot... maybe that would make him feel a little calmer, he only fidgets when he’s-

“Alana? Are you in there?” Jared asks nervously, eyes flicking over her face. “Have you slept like... at all?”  
“I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”  
Connor snorts, pulling at a long tangled curl.  
“You blanked out and stared at the kitchen table like it was talking to you.”  
Alana blushes and chews the inside of her cheek.  
“Well...”

Silence passes over the table and Jared gestures to the file.  
“So...?”  
Alana opens it without another word and lays everything out, except the compiled photo.  
“I um...” Alana clears her throat, “I had police documents in my possession so I thought it’d be best if I made use of them.”  
God it’s been ages since Alana stumbled over her words.

“Police... documents...?” Connor asks dumbly.  
“That’s our kitchen...” Jared murmurs, barely breathing, staring at the photo laid out beside a map of the house.  
“Yes. It is.”  
“How did you get my case.” Connor asks suddenly, the chair screeching horribly as he stands. “What the fuck were you doing with this.” He says defensively, hands balled up at his sides.

“I only wanted to help, Connor, see-“  
Jared makes a quiet nose and they look down to see silent tears spilling down his face.  
Connor’s completely blind, his hands tightening with every second.  
“You’re sick! I’m not some new project that you can study and dissect!” Connor slams his fist down on the table and Alana hears a faint crack. Her blood goes cold, and her legs don’t move.

“Did you pull this out to taunt me?!? HUH?” The table clatters again and Connor moves like he’s going to storm out when Jared hiccups softly.  
“I knew it was him fuck-“ Jared shudders, taking his glasses off to wipe his face.

Connor’s eyes dart to the picture Alana’s set down and his face drops.  
“The guy from Jared’s work...” Connor would throw up if he wasn’t metal and he didn’t have any insides.  
Connor sits back down, his arms limply hanging.  
“What the fuck.”  
Jared is currently trying to breathe and Connor’s staring blankly, before he twitches violently.

There’s a short buzzing sound and Jared stands on shaky legs.  
“He shut off again.” His voice is wavering and he tries to pull Connor up.  
“I need to-“  
Alana gently pushes Jared’s hands away and picks Connor up easily.  
“I’ll set him down on the couch.” Alana says quietly.

Jared nods, clutching his stomach.  
“I’m sure you’ll need time to process this.” Alana says in her customer service voice before tapping his shoulder.  
“It’d be beneficial to have a nap or find somewhere you can relax.”

Jared grimaces at the fake cheerful supportive voice she adopted and nods again.  
“I think I need to go throw up.”

[01000100 01101111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110011 01100101]

Connor’s eyes flicker open slowly and he gets up, feeling his forehead with a soft groan. It felt like everything was blurry, and soft static was playing in his head.  
“Christ...” he murmurs, trying to focus his eyes.

What happened?

Connor’s head gets louder and then something flashes behind Connor’s eyes.

_It was the man coming at him with the knife. Except he could make out his face and body now. He could see him from the corner of his eye with the knife... he could see the sadistic smile gracing his features. He could see his eyes... filled with something haunting and stomach twisting. He could feel the last heart beat before it stopped, and a pair of shoes running into the room before the world went cold._

Connor doubles over and before he knows it, he’s screaming. His head is pounding violently, like more wires are snapping.  
The windows shake and then Connor feels broad hands on his shoulders. He can’t hear the other person over his own screaming, until his chest compartment is flipped open and a box is moved. His voice cuts out and the room fills with eerie silence.

Connor’s eyes focus and mostly everyone is surrounding him except Zoe and Veronica. They’re all covering their ears and then Connor blinks. Jared’s directly in front of him, eyes filled with deep sadness.  
“I’m sorry I turned your voice off. I had to.”  
Connor’s eyes shift to Jared’s ears, and he feels winded when he notices blood coming out of them.  
He tries to say ‘I’m sorry’ and nothing comes out.

Evan sighs with relief and sits beside Connor on the couch, comforting hands trailing over his shoulder blades.  
Connor shivers and leans his head into Jared’s chest, the brunet’s arms wrapping around him securely.

Connor can hear Evan explaining what happened to Jason in slightly harsh whispers, but Connor doesn’t care.  
“It’s okay... we’ll be okay.” Jared murmurs into Connor’s ear, “You’re safe.”

Connor would’ve said something in reply but he wasn’t able to.

Alana comes up beside him, eyes filled with hurt and regret.  
“I just wanted to help... I didn’t realize what this could-“ Her voice sounds like it’s underwater, and he stares blankly, trying to read her expressions. She looks like she asks a question at the end, so Connor gives her a half nod.

Alana abruptly leaves, looking sad.  
Connor looks back at Jared nervously.  
_What did she say?_  
Connor tries to communicate with no noise and eventually Jared gets it.  
“Could you not hear her?”  
Connor shakes his head.  
“She said she was sorry then asked if you wanted her to go?”

**Oh fuck.**

Oh well... it’s not like it was entirely wrong. He wasn’t really in the mood for her false sugary comfort. Connor could fix it later.

“Are you okay?” Evan murmurs- god when did his voice get so deep???- and Connor feels his hands trail back up again.  
“You’re overheating.”

Suddenly Evan pulls his hands away with a hiss and Connor realizes his outer shell is heating up dangerously.  
Jared lets go of him eventually and opens his chest. Connor grits his teeth, wanting to smack his hands away.

“Connor your external temperature is 150° Fahrenheit.” Jared says worriedly.  
Connor heats more, his cheeks and neck glowing blue.  
“Are you... embarrassed?”  
Connor shuts his eyes, pouting without knowing it.  
Jared reaches in and uses his nail to twist something, making his body cool dramatically.  
“Connor your ears work perfectly fine. What’s bothering you?” Evan asks, resting his hand on Connor’s shoulder.

Evan pulls away with another whimper of pain and stares at the brunet in alarm.  
“Are you burning me on purpose?”  
Connor blushes and reaches for Jared, pointing up.  
“Up...stairs?” Jared asks.  
Connor nods silently, getting off the couch and heading out to his and Jared’s room.

_Why now, of all times did he have to realize this?_

“I’m so sorry Ev... I don’t know why he was burning you. I’ll talk to him about it.”

Evan replies but he’s already outside, so it’s too muffled and faint to hear.  
Connor opens the room door and wonders if his body is waterproof. A cold shower would be nice right now.

Connor is searching through Jared’s work shit when the man himself enters the room, hands on his hips like he’s on a mission.  
“First you burn Evan and now you’re going through my things? What are you an animal?”

Connor shrugs and pulls out his blueprints from the bottom of the bag.  
“Hey are you listening to me?” Jared asks with an edge of anger while Connor lays the print out. Ah, there it is. His insides and outsides are waterproof. That’s good to know.

“Connor-“ Jared turns him around forcefully and Jack’s face flashes behind his eyes.  
Connor stumbles back and stares at Jared in fear, holding his shoulder. He wants to call for help but no sound comes out.

“Connor it’s me,” Jared says, eyebrows furrowed. “Look... I’m sorry for pulling you- but what you were doing to Evan wasn’t okay Con.”

Connor shudders and shuffles back a little more. Connor points to his chest first, pauses and then touches the side of his forehead with a flat hand.  
_I know._

“Man I forgot I programmed some ASL into you. You know that you were being a dick?”

Connor nods and Jared’s face relaxes a bit.  
“Then you know you need to apologize to him.”  
Connor lifts his index fingers, flicking one over the other.  
_Can’t._  
“What do you mean you can’t?” Jared huffs and Connor blushes.  
Connor struggles to remember the movement for the word and spells it out instead.

“B... O... N... E... Connor you’ve got to be kidding me.” Jared mutters and Connor drops his hands, shrugging.  
“You got excited over him touching your back?”  
_GAY!_ Connor signs with quick fingers and Jared sighs.  
“Yes I know you’re gay but men touching you doesn’t give you an automatic boner.”

Connor pouts and Jared shuffles close to sit next to him.  
“Poor baby.” Jared mutters and pulls him into his lap. “Do you want help?”

Connor heats up again and then gets scolded for the temperature, showing him the burns on his hand like Connor’s a dog that ate from the kitchen table.  
“You know what? We’ll talk about the fact that it was Evan later- Let me help you so you stop sitting so uncomfortably.”


	17. After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe was right after all, he always did have trouble apologizing. It took a lot of convincing himself to apologize to Jared when he shoved him senior year. It was going to take a lot to apologize to Alana... but explaining himself to Evan could wait. The blond didn't even know _why_ Connor had burned him to begin with, and that conversation needed a few with Jared before that happened. Which means Evan's going to be in the dark for longer than Connor would personally wish for.

The memories have been taunting him for a while before Alana cracked his case. With more information and the whole story though, it's far, far worse. He can’t look over his right shoulder anymore. Jack assaulted and murdered him from his right side, his blind spot. Connor's hair used to cover his right eye, and Jack must've noticed and taken advantage of this. He also gets paranoid when he's doing the dishes or whenever he sees a mug, because as stupid as it sounds, it triggers the memory of standing in the kitchen along, and his favorite mug shattering at his feet. Anyone approaching him from behind unannounced usually sends him into a full blown panic attack. Sometimes even if they do say they’re there it doesn’t help.

Besides that mess, Connor has other persistent problems that he needs to handle. Alana is still keeping her distance, but in the midst of panic he’s said some pretty scathing things to her that he deeply regrets.

[01010000 00110100 01001110 00110001 01000011]

_Alana reached toward him, eyes wide._  
_”I’m sorry Connor I just wanted to help, I thought you knowing would be better-“_

_”Haven’t you heard ignorance is bliss or are you too fucking absorbed in yourself to listen to anyone else?!?” Connor had shouted, smacking her hand away. Sometimes the shortest phrases cut the deepest._  
_Her eyes nearly shut, something dissolving inside her. Tears beaded at the edges and Zoe comforted her, bringing her into the next room. Zoe was always the best at cleaning up his messes. Ever since they were young she was the one to stand and offer help. At first, she wanted to help Connor, but over time their relationship disintegrated and she lost hope for him. She started to care for his 'victims' instead, and began treating him like a monster. Even so, she has a patience that only came with practice, and it's become incredibly useful regardless of where it came from._

_Connor immediately regretted saying that, among countless other things to her, but his head was pounding violently and he felt like he was being torn away at the seams, static ringing through his body until the ground seemed to shake._

[01000011 00110100 00110001 01001101]

Evan has also been staying away, burn marks on his hands glaring bright red. Connor is exasperated at the fact that Evan thinks it means he hates him, which isn’t the case at all, but it’s understandable that he doesn’t want to get burned again. If he was Evan he'd probably avoid him as much as possible, especially in the face of possible rejection. Reject before you are rejected, that's Connor's motto. It's a horrible one really and it's caused a lot of lost friends... among other things. There are lots of people Connor regrets running out on but leaving his first love was probably his worst mistake.

Oh and along with being broken mentally, Connor's still broken physically too. Jared doesn’t know how to undo what he did to Connor's voice box and he’s struggling to communicate with the limited ASL he has. He knows basic stuff, but not answers to ‘what did you make for breakfast?’ or ‘what shirt looks better on me?’  
Even those are too specific and it pisses him off very frequently.

Sometimes he signs _gay_ over and over at Jared, hoping his fiance can read his mind. Of course it never works but Connor does it anyway because he’s not about to learn more sign language for specific shit that he’ll never use again.

Recently Connor doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s a new kind of helpless that he’s not accustomed to. He’s remembered everything now, which is a good and bad thing. Mostly good? Connor doesn’t really know that either. His emotions have become even harder to decipher than before as well, considering he frequently 're-lives' certain parts of his life or his trauma. So instead of thinking 'why am I feeling this way' Connor usually asks himself, 'is this a current genuine reaction to something or am I just remembering how I felt in the past in vivid detail at this moment?' Yes... even he doesn't understand that.

Despite all that, Connor still thanks the non existing God, that he’s not a brainless slave anymore who thinks Jared is his sun, moon, and stars. Jared snores softly next to him in their rickety bed and Connor finds a soft smile coming onto his face against his will.

Okay... maybe _he was_ his sun, moon, and stars, but the brainless robot version of himself thought he was incapable of mistake. Connor knows Jared. He knows his flaws. The scuffed and chipped parts of him. The parts he doesn’t let everyone see. The parts Connor had (and has) the privilege of mending and healing.

Connor loves the broken bits just as much as the good ones. He figured that’s what love should be, accepting someone completely with a simple ‘I love you.’ Some people (cough Zoe cough) don’t think about love like that. She’s always focused on trying to find a ‘nice person.' Don’t get him wrong, Evan’s much more than a nice guy. In fact sometimes he’s not even fucking nice and rather blunt and mean (though he rambles around the point). However, Connor knows Zoe’s just with Evan because he’s there, he likes her, and he’s husband material.

_Or maybe you’re just saying that because you’re jealous, Connor Murphy._

Connor blushes and huffs to himself. So... maybe he is a tiny tiny bit jealous of Zoe. It’s only a little though. Nothing detrimental to his and his sister’s relationship. There were plenty of other things Connor has done to wreck his and Zoe's bond over the years, he didn't need his tiny tiny tiny itty bitty insignificant crush on Evan ruining it more. Besides, he already had Jared, the love of his life.

Jared snores again beside him and Connor chuckles, reaching forward to brush his tangled messy bangs out of his face. Jared's nose crinkles and he makes a small 'hmph' noise before pulling the sheets up over his face.  
"Nooooooo" Jared whines and flips onto his side, facing away from Connor.  
Well now you've gone and left your weak spot open dumb ass. Connor scoots forward and kisses the back of his neck, eliciting another whine from his fiance, and wraps his arms around Jared's waist, trapping him there.

"Nooo Connie your mouth is cold." Jared pouts, arching his back like a cat. Connor keeps kissing up and down and Jared's noises get needier, his eyes shut tightly.  
"Connorrrr," Jared turns to him, "We're gonna have a problem if you keep that up."  
Connor arches an eyebrow and moves his hands slowly so Jared can understand.  
_B-O-N-E-R-S aren't problems._  
"They are if we have no privacy to take care of it. Evan nearly walked in on us yesterday." Jared huffs, arching his back again to try to loosen Connor's grasp. "Gh- Come on I'm hungry."  
_So am I. Hungry for D-I-C-K._  
"Connor." Jared scolds him with simply his tone of voice and Connor rolls his eyes.  
_Fine._

Jared snatches one of Connor's bleached jackets, smiling to himself as he tugs it on over his pajama shirt. Connor doesn't really mind, he only needs clothes to hide his 'dick' but it's not even screwed in half the time. Unfortunately he had it when Evan decided to massage his back and speak so closely next to his ear. He really won the lottery that day. Connor's instincts and luck have been awful since he was young, but he supposed it had something to do with his borderline personality disorder. Personality disorders do affect decision making. Not that Connor is saying all his bad choices are his illness' fault. Connor has made... plenty bad decisions that were thought out in detail while he was mentally sound. His actions are his to take responsibility for. If he didn't do that he'd be a coward, and God only knows that Connor would rather get run over by a train than to be a coward.

"Connor?" Jared asks with a particularly soft voice, and Connor turns to look at him.  
_Yes?_  
"You were zoning out again baby... Are you okay?" Jared's hand comes up to rest on the small of Connor's back, the weight purposeful.  
_I'm fine._ Connor signs, not bothering to be slow about it. Jared could infer what he said based on his face.  
"Okay. Just making sure." Jared lets go of him and gestures to the dresser, "Do you want to put anything on?"

Connor turns and opens the first drawer, before freezing in shock. He picks it up immediately and starts to aggressively sign while clutching his stuffed giraffe close to his chest.  
_WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WHERE IT WAS?!?_  
Jared smiles sheepishly while Connor continues to sign frantic words he doesn't quite understand.  
"Babe, I told you where it was when we unpacked, remember?" He says curiously.  
Connor pets the frayed fur of the toy and frowns with a scandalized expression.  
_Obviously not._

"Then it's not my fault Connor." Jared smiles and Connor pouts, petting the fur before gently kissing the top of the toy's head.  
Connor hands it to Jared with a simple _Hold_ directed at him, and then he tugs on a sweater and pants. After he's dressed, he snatches the giraffe back possessively with a nervous laugh from Jared. Connor stuffs the toy into his sweater, the muzzle peeking over his collar.  
_OK let's go to breakfast._  
Upon seeing the nervous and slightly embarrassed expression on Connor's face, Jared stifles a snort at the pouch Connor's created for his stuffie.  
"Alright, but don't expect that you won't be made fun of."

Alana and Evan don't look up when Connor enters the room, avoiding his gaze. Connor cuddles his giraffe to make up for the slight twinge of pain and guilt in his chest. Zoe was right after all, he always did have trouble apologizing. It took a lot of convincing himself to apologize to Jared when he shoved him senior year. It was going to take a lot to apologize to Alana... but explaining himself to Evan could wait. The blond didn't even know _why_ Connor had burned him to begin with, and that conversation needed a few with Jared before that happened. Which means Evan's going to be in the dark for longer than Connor would personally wish for.

Jason and Veronica do greet them though, and Zoe just kind of acknowledges them non-verbally. Which isn't a bad thing necessarily, just not particularly good or bad, just kind of... disappointing. Jared sits down next to Evan, trying to chat with him while they eat. Evan replies hesitantly, looking at Connor as if to say 'are you going to butt in and ruin this?' Obviously Connor doesn't. Instead he stares off into space because no one but Jared knows much ASL. Alana does but...

Connor glances over at her and she averts her eyes as if she had been staring. Yeah, that's not happening. So, Connor has no one to sign to and he kind of zones out into white noise for a bit. Eventually Jared takes Connor's hand and asks for his help in organizing their things. After all, they can't rely on Jason and Veronica forever. Jared takes him upstairs and tells him about a separate bank account that was put under Jared's parents names. It would look completely normal for them to take out a hundred or so dollars a month, so Connor helps him withdraw it without leaving evidence that they did so. It's tricky, but Connor has access to an entire database and the dark web, so after a quick search, they're able to fill up Jared's credit card.

Other than that, Connor and Jared don't do much of anything. Connor thought it would be relaxing for his fiance, as he hasn't taken a break off work in years, but he quickly figures out why Jared works himself so hard. He gets stir crazy with nothing to do, and Connor can tell it's been affecting him. Going from a normal life to a life of crime in the middle of the desert miles from any towns must be making Jared sick. Connor is a bit detached over this but he hasn't felt the same as he did when he was alive. Death really makes you count your blessings and makes pretty much anywhere but the afterlife a paradise. That was pretty much the only benefit though.

Constant body dysphoria, reliving the trauma, being overwhelmed with information about the world when he was gone, and countless other mental burdens and difficulties are not worth it for being comfortable no matter where he is. The disadvantage vastly out weighs the benefits, but it's no use getting upset about being brought back. Connor is sure wherever he was, was some form of hell. Besides, if it was his choice, he wouldn't have died in the first place. Maybe if that creep hadn't seen Jared somewhere and stalked him and 'got rid of the competition,' Connor would be alive right now. But hey, what can you do, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)  
> The blog for this fic is @theartofpleasingothers  
> I plan to update as consistently as possible!
> 
> Update: I don’t want to turn this story into a chore, y’all. I hope you understand aksjsksj. I’ll try to update as soon as possible. The farther apart the chapters are the longer they’ll be! 
> 
> Thx for your support! <3


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